Glad to read this. It helps me to realise…….. I am definitely not as messed up about sex as I think I am, or …….. as messed up as many people are. The majority of society.
I always know that what God wants and intends for us…… is in our best interests and anything outside of that …… any earthly, unhealthy, dysfunctional views…… are not okay and are not about love.
Of course, there will be some MH professionals, who also give in to believing BDSM can be okay…….. but I am SO thankful that I knew within me…….. this is not wise, not healthy.
And definitely not what God wants, for us.
Does this mean I think anyone giving into the darkness of 50 Shades of Grey, BDSM…. is evil or bad…… not I don’t. But there are absolutely dark needs within, that do need healing ……. and definitely not encouraging as healthy.
Do I think that e.g consensual fun like handcuffs and dressing up as a sexy nurse etc is okay, some (non pain inducing) sex toys and positions other than missionary …. are good etc ……. sure…. if that’s what a married couple ‘both’ want, like and enjoy. I am definitely no prude myself.
I have my own issues about sex – trauma related (flashbacks, alcohol dependency etc) …… and a difficult marriage ………but I clearly see that a vanilla and boring sex life … is simply that. And there can indeed be enough consensual ‘fun’ and variety – without needing to allow darkness.
There is a limit to what is okay, and what isn’t ………… and I am thankful I can see this, pretty clearly.
Despite how much sexual abuse I have endured.
In regards to the “marriage bed” (Hebrews 13:4), the Bible does not give many restrictions to what a married couple can do sexually with each other. Beyond adultery (threesomes, swapping, etc.) and pornography, which the Bible clearly and explicitly identifies as sin, a good principle seems to be the “mutual consent” mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:5. If a husband and his wife are in full agreement, with neither being forced or coerced, God has given married couples freedom in regards to what takes place in the “marriage bed.” Could this freedom include black leather costumes, non-violent bondage, and role-playing? There is nothing in the Bible that explicitly restricts such activities.
With that said, there are definitely dark aspects to BDSM in which a Christian should have no part. Receiving sexual pleasure through the giving or receiving of pain is not in agreement with what the Bible says about sex.
Sex is to be an expression of love, affection, passion, gentleness, selflessness, and commitment. Sex is to be the literal/physical expression of a married couple being “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). To bring pain, degradation, or humiliation into the sexual relationship distorts what it is supposed to be, even when such actions are consensual. The more extreme aspects of BDSM reek of Satanism/paganism and are definitively ungodly and perverted.