Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

1 Comment

Maybe I am just enabing abuse… maybe I am just allowing myself to be abused….

One issue I have noticed and it does make me think I am enabling abuse…. is my husband’s issues are getting worse.

I know that if you give narcissistic people an inch….. they will take a mile.

And anyone who doesn’t realise this, does not know personality disorders.

I see my husbands lies frequently now. And he truly does not care, no remorse, no guilt and he will continue. He is a pathological liar.

People who lie a lot, rarely change, I’ve read that too.

As my reactions to my husband change and I don’t get angry, move on from it quicker  etc……. I do know this gives him the green light, to lie more.

Like a child…….. what you allow, they will continue and they will increase.

So, not getting angry – is probably making it worse.

He knows he can ‘get away with it’.

And he has zero remorse about this.

This has been really bothering me …… and is why I do need to question what I am doing.

It’s easy for people to say… you should just leave him.

Its also easy for people to say …… I should stay and do XYZ.

It’s easy for them to make me feel bad and feel shame for not agreeing with them and doing what ‘they’ say I ‘should’ do.

I am being emotionally abused, and I know that.

Lying to someone often, is abuse.

Being constantly aware of lies, not being with someone I can trust, is not pleasant and is horrible to endure, and I am not going to let anyone ‘tell’ me, I should not have emotions about this.

Why would anyone choose to be married to someone they absolutely know they cannot trust, be aware they could be having an affair, worry about my children picking up on all his stuff, and ending up the same.

Why I am doing this to myself?

Why am I allowing and enabling someone to increase their abusive behaviours.

Have I not endured enough.

Everyone has an opinion, and they are simply that, opinions.

Right now, I am not interested in anyone’s opinions on my life, because they are not me.

People are not enduring my life, my marriage etc. I am.

Everyone has an opinion and that’s okay, I see that I provoke that by sharing my journey and asking for opinions.

But, I need to remember –  that no-one is me.

‘I’ am me.

This is ‘my’ life.

And I don’t need to be listening to everyone else.


Feel very sad and low right now.

Due to being someone who is open and shares my journey – all of it – I get mixed responses and that’s okay.

But lately, I have been receiving more negative rants, because my thinking is becoming more healthy and I don’t condone things like the 50 Shades of Grey abuse, or BDSM, and due to me tolerating my husbands issues – because I have children to prioritise. And because I have chosen to take a more positive and healthy approach to my work, which has not been taken well by some.

I’ve have accusations, rants, negative opinions thrown my way. More than usual.

I’ve been called judgmental, self righteous, and had my motivation and ethics questioned. Labelled a poor role model and more….

I have had my counsellor described as abusive – for encouraging me to stay in my marriage. Comments that she herself is abusive and unhealthy and is leading me down a dangerous path of abuse condoning – like too many church people.

I am stronger at understanding people’s issues are theirs, but clearly there is a limit to my capacity to cope with all this. Continue reading

Christians do not have to ‘like’ everyone. I don’t like my husband.

Church people, often get very confused as to what they ‘should’ do. Or ‘should’ feel.

I know I do not have to ‘like’ everyone.

But, I do have to be kind and not want to do anything negative in return for what people do.

I also can love people, and want the best for them, without liking who they are, or condoning what they do.

I don’t ‘like’ my husband.

I know that if I knew 15 years ago, what I know now, I would not choose to be with a man like my husband and in fact, I would not choose to even have him as a friend.

I don’t like his personality.

I don’t like his pathological lying.

I don’t like his need to steal joy.

I don’t like his enjoyment he gains from seeing others hurt.

I don’t like his entitled attitude to be covertly narcissistic and manipulative.

I don’t like his lack of compassion, empathy, conscience, guilt etc.

I don’t like how selfish and egocentric he is.

I don’t like how he lies to and about our children.

I don’t like how he provokes our children, and myself and thinks that is okay.

I don’t like his lack of capacity for honesty or to think about the needs of others.

I don’t like his lack of charitable heart and how he only wants his own needs served.

I don’t like how untrustworthy he is and how I am aware that for every (regular) lie I know about, there will no doubt be many I don’t know about.

Continue reading