It is good to reflect on progression, and I have made a huge amount of progress, particularly in the last 6 months.
I absolutely know, that other people’s issues, their abusive ways – whether it be past abusers, church people, my husband,…..are ‘nothing’ to do with me and are not a reflection of me at all.
Their issues are completely their own. 100%.
I’ve lost any hurt ego to believe that what other people do that is wrong, is about ‘me’ at all.
And I will put the responsibility 100% where it needs to be. With them.
And I can and do have empathy for anyone with mental health issues, which is most of society.
But, I also know that I do not have to endure them and tolerate them and that enabling any of this, is wrong.
Whilst also being completely honest about my own issues, my own past – which I am very upfront and honest about, as I blogged about, extensively.
I am not at all attracted now in any form – mentally, psychologically, spiritually, physically, sexually – to abusive people, immature people, narcissistic people etc……… and that is *very* healthy for me, and a huge sign of my healing.
I 100% know, that abusive behaviours are not to be tolerated. condoned, justified, rationalised, minimized, excused etc…… and I won’t.
I know that despite my own masochistic, abuse re-enactment issues in the past……… any form of enduring or inflicting abuse, pain etc…….. is very disturbing, disordered and dysfunctional behaviour and whilst society may be enabling it, I won’t
I completely see just how much society and church people are groomed into accepting abuse and abusers and how screwed up and disturbing that is also.
I will not allow into my life, anything that is about any of this and no matter who claims it is ‘acceptable’ – I know they are wrong and are part of the grooming issues in society and the abuse increasing as a result.
I have a stronger moral compass now, than most of society and considering all the abuse I have endured, and who I was raised by…….. that is massive.
I do still have my issues of feeling overwhelmed, depressed, trapped, grieving etc ……… but there is so much that shows amazing levels of healing, growth, maturity and wisdom and I ‘will’ acknowledge that, because I worked really fucking hard to make this happen.
And 99% of this I have done by myself and is nothing to do with counselling.