And any form of abuse being endured,
whether that be emotional, verbal, psychological,
physical, sexual, spiritual…
Means the relationship is toxic,
unhealthy and not in any way ‘adequate’.
This is my post to my page today……. and it is my hope it will inspire people to not only know there is healing that can be attained, but also that being honest about self, is needed.
I have the capacity to be very honest about myself, and own it when I fuck up and I will be very honest and up front about it.
Takes courage and humility, and I hope to show how this is needed.
I used to send a dangerous, irresponsible message about PTSD ~ as I see others are doing….
People who claim healing and recovering from severe PTSD, is not possible ……. send a terrible, irresponsible and incorrect message.
All they are doing is projecting their own stage of their journey ….. not looking at where others are at.
And they are hoping everyone else will agree….. to validate where they are at.
This is a dangerous message, and should not be a message anyone is spreading, at all.
PTSD is not completely curable ……
BUT …… it can be managed better over time and the symptoms reduced, and there is healing possible over time ……
With the right knowledge, the persistence to do all the coping strategies, and the desire to heal ……. and the willingness to actually do all this.
And the reason I know these dangerous messages are wrong, is because this is where I was at 2 years ago….
And 2 years ago …… ‘I’ was sending a terrible, irresponsible and incorrect message, which I actually deeply regret.
Only now ….. am I actually in a healthy enough position, to be a positive voice about PTSD.
Well this post was well received by most people, but there were a few page admins who were very pissed off that I wrote this.
And that led to poor behaviours, accusations, and needing to be banning of people on my page.
It is very clear that the more healthy I become, the more shit I get from unhealthy people.
It is also amazing that whenever I write these very honest posts, about where I have screwed up…….. other people can take them really badly and react really badly….
And I know why. It’s because they only want their dysfunction validated….. and anything that takes people to close to the truth about self……. causes them to act very badly. All narcissism.
But, the main thing is…….. most people really appreciated it and MH professionals were liking the post and agreeing and ‘that’ matters far more.
Someone commented on my page and these comments are common, along with the emails I receive, showing such gratitude and how my work has positively affected them.
My work, my passion, my calling, my ministry – are not easy.
But for any person who gains anything from anything I share, write, post……. is always worth it!
“Well done !
Thanks to your page I got through the darkest time of my life with your understanding on these subjects, it arrived at the time I needed it most and helped me heal with your insight and wisdom,
Many blessings and rewards to you lil ❤ ”
I am very thankful I now longer have issues with dissociation.
I needed it in the past, as a coping strategy to deal with prolonged, severe abuse.
It is a very real factor, in complex trauma survivors.
C-PTSD is more complicated than simple PTSD as it pertains to chronic assaults on one’s personal integrity and sense of safety, as opposed to a single acute traumatic episode. This chronic tyranny of abuse results in a constellation of symptoms, which impact personality structure and development.
The symptom clusters for C-PTSD are:
When one is repeatedly traumatized in early childhood, the development of a cohesive and coherent personality structure is hindered. Fragmentation of the personality occurs because the capacity to integrate what is happening to the self is insufficient.
The survival mechanism of dissociation kicks in to protect the central organizing ego from breaking from reality and disintegrating into psychosis. Hence, fragmented dissociated parts of the personality carry the traumatic experience and memory, while other dissociated parts function in daily life. Consequentially, profound symptoms of depersonalization and dissociation linked to C-PTSD manifest (Herman JL. Trauma and Recovery. New York: BasicBooks; 1997)
It is a red flag to me, for anyone to believe that an ‘adequate’ relationship, is possible with a highly narcissistic person.
A huge red flag, to someone’s own disordered thinking, or need to enable and condone abuse – which is disturbed thinking.
Narcissistic people don’t ‘love’ anyone, they are incapable of love.
They simply see people as objects to be used, for their own needs.
That ^^^^^^ is not in any way, a good/positive relationship.
That is never an ‘adequate’ relationship.
It is an abusive relationship and to want to remain in that, and tolerate that, is disturbed thinking.
I think my husband and I are very likely to split up soon.
I know this will take it’s toll emotionally on me and my children and I need to be prepared for this and have support.
So, I need to find a counsellor, one who is not going to tell me that a relationship with a narcissistic person is ‘adequate’ and guilt and shame me, for thinking differently, or tell me, I ‘should’ tolerate abuse.
I need a non Christian counsellor, for a start. Because church people can be the most fucked up people of all, when it comes to condoning, enabling and minimizing abuse.
I do realise, that no matter how much stronger I am now, I will still need support if I go through a divorce, help with how best to help my children, and the reality of needing to leave my home – which is the only place I have ever felt safe.
I need to start finding a counsellor, and quickly.
I know how my husband works. I know his MO. I know the ‘I am such a great guy’ routine he pulled with me, when we were first together, to impress me.
He’s doing that now with someone else, and has been doing this for some time.
The only cop he works with that he talks about – is his ‘friend’ Sue.
And he has told her all about ‘my’ issues and I know he plays the ‘poor old me’ routine of ‘look at what I have to put up with’ from my wife – to impress others.
I was manipulated by the same routine 15 years ago.
He’s just done it now. Phoned home, because he’ needed’ to let me know the washing he did, is on the line. He had no need to phone home about that at all. So I phoned him back and asked him why he felt he needed to do this and who he was with. And as I suspected, he is with Sue.
I know his MO. I know what he did with me and he forgets that. He may be a liar and a manipulator, but he doesn’t have as good a memory as me. Continue reading →