Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Received a message from this organisation, supporting my online work :)

http://www.calpsychassessments.org/

Dr. Spitz received her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Midwestern University (née Chicago School of Osteopathic Medicine) in Downers Grove, Illinois. She maintains current California licensure as a Clinical Psychologist.

Dr. Spitz received on-the-job training in numerous milieus, including a private neuropsychological practice in Chicago, Illinois where she participated in specialized neuropsychological training and testing for Autism Spectrum Disorders, dementia, and other degenerative diseases with psychological effects. Dr. Spitz has had extensive training in substance abuse disorders and their treatment through her work in residential treatment centers in Los Angeles, California. Additionally, she has undergone rigorous training in correctional psychology in a forensic environment in Arkansas and Central California.

Her current private practice is primarily assessment based. She performs various evaluations including pre-surgical clearances, pre-employment screening, intelligence and achievement, Autism Spectrum screening, disability determination, personality based assessments, and IME/AMEs. Besides her private practice, Dr. Spitz performs examinations for the State of California, Department of Disability Determination.

Dr. Spitz is actively involved in her field. She provides public speaking engagements by request and belongs to numerous psychological associations. She has recently finished obtaining her certificate in Pet Loss and Bereavement from the APLB and is currently pursuing her Post Doctoral Masters degree in Clinical Psychopharmacology. She continually seeks to stay on top of current empirical research, as well as expand her knowledge and offerings in the field of psychology.


I always feel very blessed and very thankful, when mental health professionals, support my online work, and what I am doing.


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Getting back on top of my cooking, baking, food expense budgeting etc.

I know I am doing so much better – because I am back to wanting to be regularly cooking, baking etc.

I was always a very organised person, and over the last 3 years – this wasn’t a priority, due to surviving my breakdown/break through… But, I am back to wanting to cook and bake and take care of our finances better 🙂

Lots of yummy, healthy slow cooker meals planned, bulk meals I can freeze etc, just like I always used to be on top of. Went to the farmers markets today and bought lots of healthy fresh veggies, herbs, lentils, barley etc.

And with the weather due to cool down a bit as we approach Autumn, slow cooker meals, become an excellent, and easy way to provide healthy meals for my family.

Organised me, is coming back!! Yay! 🙂


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I do give myself permission to walk away from what I know, is not healthy.

walk away

I’ve learned to trust my capacity for spotting red flags for unhealthy behaviours.

It is deeper than average capacity and I have also learned, that people will reject this whenever I don’t agree with them.

One example, is knowing people don’t use certain words, that point to red flags to me, for no reason. They may be subconscious, but they are for a reason.

They say it’s the ‘Freudian Slip’ ….. where something is said, that is later justified, changed in meaning, or given an unusual meaning, to excuse it.

Definition….

An inadvertent mistake in speech or writing

that is thought to reveal a person’s

unconscious motives, wishes, or attitudes.

Also someone who has ‘slipped’ …… can try to make out the person who has detected it – is not ‘understanding’ what they meant and making out that person has inferior intelligence etc.

But, that doesn’t wash with me.

I know human behaviour too well. Far too much experience with disordered people.

If someone uses words that are upsetting to the receiver – due to not being within the normal/general context of how they will likely be received, then they have issues. They are either being covert in their need to make that person feel bad, are projecting their own issues, or it is indeed a Freudian Slip.

And I will notice it.

And I will remember it.

And now, I don’t ignore it.

Because ignoring this, is how I have been hurt far too many times, in the past.


Emotional abuse is like being stabbed, on the inside. I am not tolerating this, anymore.

emotional abuse

I am truly OVER people dismissing emotional abuse.

It is very damaging and a relationship of any kind where emotional abuse is occurring – is painful, soul destroying and never ‘adequate’.

I have recently made it very clear to my husband – I am not tiptoeing around him, having to force myself to be what ‘he’ wants, being scared of what may happen, worrying about what lies I am being told, worrying about what he is doing…. not anymore.

I’ve made it very clear – if you are having an affair, or I find out you have had/are – you are out, bags packed. I will NOT tolerate that. If he wants to be with other people, that is okay, but he ends this relationship first, like a decent human being.

I will not tip toe around him anymore, to pacify ‘his’ personality disorder issues.

I will not ignore, minimize, avoid, justify, excuse, or tolerate anymore of his lying, responsibility avoidance, manipulation.

He keeps lying or any of his other disordered/disturbed behaviours, he is out, bags packed, no longer welcome in my home, with my children.

He gets his act together, stops the emotional abuse, or our relationship is over.

My wellbeing *is* paramount for me, over his issues……. because I *need* to be strong for my children…… because my children *are* my priority – over him and his issues.

That’s the consequences he faces, if he chooses to continue with his abusive behaviours.

Because I know, these behaviours are still a ‘choice’, as per the experts in personality disorders and abusive people.

If he chooses to grow, mature, accept his issues, then I will support him.

But unconditional love, is not about unconditionally accepting bad, abusive behaviours.


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Poem – Jesus, Alone

I wrote this poem while I was away..

.

Poem – Jesus, Alone

A lifetime of fearing alone

Now no longer lonely

Peace and tranquillity

In isolation and withdrawal

.

Always so scared

Of Being Alone

Now cherished and valued

Strength within solitude

.

Learning to cherish, enjoy

The beautiful freedom, of alone

Not needing people, only Jesus

Growth, maturity and healing

.

Peace is not found in other people

It is only found in the depths explored

Of one’s own inner soul

In the presence and peace giving gift

.

Of Jesus, alone.


All my husbands test results and sleep results are back…… all completely normal.

My husband – at my insistence – recently had a whole heap of blood tests and an overnight sleep study……. to determine whether anything is contributing to his ‘issues.

As I suspected, they were all normal, except iron being a little low – still within the normal range, but a little low. Sleep study – he snores a little, but no sleep issues that are out of the normal, or will be affect his health.

So, his GP has prescribed Prozac and agreed, that as he believes my husband does have a personality disorder, that therapy is unlikely to help.

I am supporting my husband taking this medication, but I do realise – it will not change his personality disorder issues.

But, if medication makes him happier, who knows – he may feel less need to do these things.

Wishful thinking – probably.

But, I am resolved to helping him and I really do hope it helps, for his sake, for my children’s sake.


Self control & impulse issues……. are serious issues…

I see very clearly, that moral compass, impulse control and self control are massive issues throughout society.

I’ve had my own impulse control issues, but I’ve also had self control in many ways – that shows I’ve always possessed this.

I’ve had many temptations come my way, which I have considered – being unfaithful, having threesomes, having sex with women, drugs, being offered jobs as club dancers etc….. all things I have resisted.

And note, I am not saying being gay is wrong at all, I just knew it was not what I needed to be doing. But other behaviours, that are sexually deviant – are wrong and my moral compass knew this, even back in my 20’s.

I knew from being a young adult, that adultery was not okay and when together with my first husband, and not separated, I was completely faithful to him. Even though he was not. He had massive impulse issues, being an alcoholic and gambling addict and morally deviant.

Anyone, with serial behaviours, impulse control issues, low moral compass, lack of remorse etc……. cannot be trusted.

Whether that be serial adulterers, sex offenders, paedophiles, serial rapists……. anything that shows behaviours that are morally wrong, and where impulse control, moral compass, deviant needs……. don’t just go away.

And people with these issues, can totally believe they will not repeat this behaviour…….. but someone offers themselves to them on a plate, or a paedophile sees a cute child, a rapist sees a women ………… and those needs can click in at any time, the impulse control goes straight out the window and their sexually deviant needs, take over.

They cannot and should not be trusted.

But many will……… including many church people – who are conditioned to show ‘(cheap) grace, mercy, compassion, forgiveness’ in a deeply unwise way…….. but they wrongly believe it makes them ‘good Christians’ and they wrongly believe God will be happy with them. And if another victim occurs …….. ‘ah well’.

My husband is a serial adulterer, and I accept that no matter what he says, he can be tempted, and maybe already has. The bigger issue with him, is his lack of remorse, lack of conscience, lack of empathy, entitlement issues, lack of guilt. I know this increases his issues. So I do not trust him, at all, quite rightly.

Anyone who trusts a sexually deviant, low moral compass, impulsive person, to not ‘re-offend’ – is a fool, and does not know enough about personality disorders and human behaviour.


I realise what a source of comfort my healing page is.

My Facebook healing page has only been down a few days while I take a little break, and I have already received numerous emails, asking where it is and expression of how much it helps people.

I need better self care and I have to balance that with the needs of others, and once I put the page back up, I will explain that. It will be good modelling of boundaries and self care too.

Life is so hard for many, and I know comfort found in others who understand, is much needed.


Quoted as an ‘Inspirational Woman’ – by Sorrell Robbins – Chamomile Clinic, London

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http://www.chamomileclinic.co.uk/2015/02/25/inspirational-women-lily-hope-lucario/

So very thankful to Sorrell 🙂

Lily Hope Lucario ‘ I survived a sadistic psychopath & a paedophile psychopath, a couple of abusive sociopaths, and a couple of abusive narcissists, what’s your superpower?’  

Lily suffers from complex PTSD and a range of related conditions such as fibromyalgia and depression after experiencing multiple trauma.  But she has worked very hard on her healing, and has learnt so much that she is now is now spreading her healing to others. 

She inspires and supports survivors of trauma with her writing, communicating her posts on facebook several times a day. 

I came across her work last year whilst studying trauma prevention and treatment. 

There are other  great people writing on this subject but Lily has taught me the most in the shortest space of time, because she keeps it simple and accessible, and I find the information can be integrated into my life on a personal and professional level.

If you have suffered trauma or know some one who has then this website is a great place to start looking at how you can begin to heal, and help those you love to heal too. 

I hope some of you reading this will look at Lily’s work and be inspired and maybe healed a little bit on your journey through life too.  For her website follow this LINK