I see this very clearly.
I wanted the Pope to be a wonderful role model for Christianity, and he is in many ways, but he believes in physical abuse to children, and called that ‘beautiful’. And that is the opposite of God. Of course, he will be adamant he is right and I am wrong.
I wanted my counsellor, to be someone who I could always assume had wisdom, and now I see very clearly – that she too supports abusive relationships and calls them ‘adequate’. And has a weird need to always defend abusers, and use words that are hurtful and justifies them. Of course, she will be adamant she is right and I am wrong.
I see people’s ‘stuff’ everywhere, in abundance on social media and it concerns me greatly and I don’t like it. I know I have my own stuff too.
The reason this all bothers me so much, is I hate abuse being condoned and people suffering. But, also because it scares me. Because I have been abused so much. So, I cut people off, and don’t tolerate people’s issues, as some will say I ‘should’.
I would rather be completely alone, than hurt anymore.
I actually like and prefer being alone now.
I would rather have shallow connections with people, than risk getting harmed, lied to, or have other people’s shit projected onto me. I do want to reach out and help people who are suffering, and I do, but I don’t want ‘relationships’ anymore.
And considering all I have been though, I don’t believe this is a bad thing……. it is a self care, protection mode. But I do know, this is my ‘stuff’. I have self insight.
Other people’s stuff, is what I can’t cope with …….. because people are inherently selfish, egotistic beings.
And for whatever reasons there may be………. that is how I get hurt and how I clearly see society is getting hurt.