Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The man who studies everyday evil. Explains my husband.

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150130-the-man-who-studies-evil?ocid=global_future_rss

When I read this – the triple whammy of dark triads traits – selfishness, manipulation and unkind – this describes my husband.

He is completely selfish, very manipulative and very unkind – with a deficit of empathy, remorse, guilt, conscience.

He has zero remorse for anything that he has done wrong in life…… all the affairs behind his ex wife’s back, screwing his own auntie, all the lies he tells – and he admits to the ones I know about and has no remorse – just lots of excuses or a tough luck attitude. Lying by omission, projecting, gas-lighting etc.

No empathy for anything I have endured. I have told him things a few times – about being me being raped, including as a child – and there is no emotional response at all – he just looks at me – blankly, waits for me stop talking and then continues watching the TV.

That is so far from normal.

He’s manipulating my emotions, by letting me know frequently enough about the ‘only’ cop ‘friend’ he talks about – Sue. And lets me know how close they are, how they talk about their personal lives. In his covertly narcissistic way, he wants me to feel threatened and anxious as to what may be going on there, knowing as I do, that he is a serial adulterer, and has no remorse and lies, denies, lies by omission.

And when I tell him how this causes me such anxiety and stress, he has no empathy and has no awareness of why this is an issues to me, but is only bothered, by me telling him that what he does is wrong.

His only emotions are for self, in particular ones about being defensive, and narcissistic injury.

He enjoys TV programs that are about people getting hurt and laughs at them a lot, like that very immature and horrible TV show Ridiculousness, that I have now banned my 12 year old from watching. He likes shows/movies with a lot of low morality issues, lots of sex and nudity, and about psychopaths – James Bond movies are his favourite. And sarcasm, anything with lots of sarcasm.

Today, he gave me the sneering threat of telling me I will end up homeless on the streets, without him and his income.

I hate myself, for ending up this ^^^^ as the father of my children and my husband.

It makes me cringe and want to go and shower and scrub myself raw, to know how many times I have had sex with that.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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