Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


My 12 year old said to tell my counsellor “that’s dog!!”

My 12 year old, is so like me and he can be SO funny! In a mischievous way – which I get is him not being rude, it is the same sense of humour I have 🙂

I just explained that I had discussed him no longer watching certain TV programs – and it was validated by my doctor/counsellor as good parenting, to which my son – in his funny mischievous mood – almost giggling said….

“What! That is SO DOG!!”…. and then followed it up with “you can tell her that I have been working with this lump of clay (meaning me), and moulding it into something I can live with, for 12 years…….. and now your counsellor is trying to re-mould you! – Pffft – SO DOG!!”.

(Dog, meaning stupid idea, in 12 year old talk.)

I laughed, it was so funny the way he said it! 😀

He then said “I thought you had a fight with your counsellor?” To which I answered that we sorted it out, and he was not impressed and he replied not impressed – “Oh yay”.

Now, this does all sound a bit rude, but I get when he is being funny and doesn’t actually mean it and when he is actually being rude and disrespectful.

And I told him – that yes ‘Mummy clay’ is being re-moulded and actually not by my counsellor at all, but by me! And it is for his best, whether he likes it or not 😉

I asked him seriously if he really views me as this lump of clay he can mould, and he shook his head and said – no……. but said he does try to. Keep trying buddy 😉

I soon stopped him in his tracks – when I suggested that one day, maybe he could have a chat with my counsellor – he was so not impressed with that idea……….. that’s ‘DOG’ too.


Thinking more than one day at a time is overwhelming me.

I am overwhelmed at the moment, due to grieving and mostly with the issues in my marriage, my future and mostly the affect on my children.

So right now, I am having to bring my thoughts back, to one day at a time. Or rather force myself to think this way, because what my mind wants to do, is think continually about all the shit going on and I am physically exhausted and feeling physically ill as a result, due to the anxiety and stress. I now have daily headaches and nausea as well as other issues – so I know my body is struggling with the stress.

This morning my 6 year old asked me to buy a tomato plant he can grow, which we have been talking about. He loves tomatoes and I am doing all I can to have healthy activities for my children.

So instead of just buying the plant while he is in school, I am going to take him after school pick up and he can help choose it.

So the four of us, will be going to buy the tomato plant.

I am attempting to just do normal family things as much as is possible, until I figure out what I am doing long term.

I already knew the likes of John Piper and Mark Driscoll are not Christians.

I have already blogged about these two, well before the shit hit the fan about their abusive views and abusive behaviours.

I was right all along and I am aware of how my spiritual progression is deep and how I don’t follow along like a sheep like many, or tolerate what I know is wrong.

Mark Driscoll is now the disgraced man, who proved himself to be an abuser, abused many, even trolling online in a fake name.

John Piper is now being told he is wrong for condoning domestic violence in marriages.

People should be asking themselves – if they can get this SO wrong – if they are SO far from understanding who God is, and are promoting such ungodly and dark views and therefore serving Satan ………. what else do they have so wrong?

This won’t be the only issues they have and how they have wrongly interpreted the Bible and God’s nature wrongly.

Believe me, these men do not know God.

They do not know God’s pure perfect nature and perfect love.

They are so far from knowing God and yet millions can’t see that – so blind to the truth.

Glad to see someone saying John Piper is wrong! I always knew his mind is abusive and those who follow him.

Thank you to John Dickson again and Canon Sandy Grant is the Senior Minister of St Michael’s Anglican Cathedral, Wollongong for raising this.

The American pastor John Piper was wrong when he suggested a wife might “endure perhaps being smacked one night”, before seeking help “from the church”. Victims of domestic violence should be encouraged to seek help from the police and others too, and to get to a safe place.

Of course, domestic abuse can occur whether the theory you espouse is ‘traditional’, ‘egalitarian’ or ‘feminist’. But whatever you understand when the Bible talks of ‘submission’ or being the “head in a marriage, it’s crystal clear that husbands are never told to make their wives submit.

The church should support that. It is not disloyal to your spouse to raise concerns about such behaviour with a pastor or trusted friend.

I’m with my former Moore College Principal and Archbishop, Peter Jensen, when he said that to use the terminology of the Bible or our prayer book marriage vows, “as an excuse to demand slave-like servility, or even to engage in physical and emotional bullying, is to misuse it utterly and no wife should feel spiritually obliged to accept such treatment.”

And for all you Baptists out there, who also follow along with John Piper’s abusive and wrong interpretations of the Bible – which are ‘not’ just about this issue – shame on you.



People’s vibes are overwhelming me atm, so I need to have distance.

I have a lot going on at the moment. A lot of stress, which is why I have lost 4 kilo’s in the last few weeks.

I understand fully everyone has their issues, but I am a HSP person and I take on everyone’s vibes and issues and feel them – good and bad.

It is not something I am skilled at dealing with, when I already have a huge load of stress and anxiety piled on top of me already. It causes me greater anxiety and stress.

So, I need distance and I am staying off social media the rest of today.

It is needed self care and I have to continually remind myself that my self care and my wellbeing is paramount, because I have children to take care of and my current situation is not easy/good, and is exhausting.

I can’t cope with everyone else’s issues, whilst dealing the load I have.

So, it’s best for all concerned, if distance occurs.

I don’t want to say the wrong thing and upset anyone – and I am aware how easily offended some people are.

And I don’t want people taking out their stuff on me, because I just cannot deal with it right now.

Self care and withdrawing is an act of self care and self compassion right now.

I do have the moral courage to disagree with people – about important issues.

moral courage

I do dare to disagree with people….. and I pick what is needed to be disagreed with.

People often don’t like it, which is their ego issues and I know to do this carefully, but for some the slightest disagreement of their beliefs, will cause them to react badly.

But, it is moral courage to disagree when the issue is an important one. Like abuse, child abuse.

I have learned to live with the rejection this creates and the skills on how to deal with people attacking, rejecting etc.

Spiritual courage is another I have, that many lack.