Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Everyone in my life, wants me to believe abuse is ‘not that bad’.


Throughout my entire life, I have had continual messages from others that abuse is ‘not that bad’ and I shouldn’t complain and just tolerate it.

My family of origin did this. They made it very clear I was not to complain or say anything they did was wrong.

When the psychopath went to prison, he got 15 months and was out in 9 months for ‘good behaviour’ and clearly that meant that to others, what he did to me was ‘not that bad’.

During my first marriage, his friends and parents told me his alcoholic/gambling/abusive behaviours were okay and I should not complain.

During all the trauma from the Baptist Church, everyone involved let me know that what they did ‘was not that bad’ and people really believe they are good people and I was the problem.

Now in my marriage, even my own counsellor who defends abusers continually – uses positive/neutral words for them – wants me to believe I can have an ‘adequately abusive’ relationship.

So it must be me ……. I must be the one that’s wrong and maybe abuse is not that bad and abusers are good people and I am the bad person for saying differently.

Maybe I have this twisted idea that abuse is horrendous and it isn’t, its okay really.

Maybe I should just tolerate it quietly, endure it and not complain.

Maybe I do deserve it.

Maybe I never deserved any better.

Maybe it is my ego that believes I deserve to be treated with respect and loved and cared about and I am wrong. And I do deserve all I have endured.

Maybe all these abusive people are in fact good people and I am the terrible person for considering differently and saying what they do, is wrong.

Maybe abuse is just part of life and I should quit whinging and just accept it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “Everyone in my life, wants me to believe abuse is ‘not that bad’.

  1. So wrong. All abuse is bad. These people are the disillusioned not us.

  2. Lil you did not deserve any of it. It was all bad and I’m sorry they treated you like this. Taught you this. And made you accept it as normal. I still blame myself but I’m not ready to accept yet because emotionally i don’t know how i will react when I realise what i went through was that bad and disgusting and wrong. You deserve so much better than what you have had and are still putting up with. I really care about how you are. You’ve helped alot since i found you. Im not perfect but at least i know i care and i have empathy and understanding of people’s pain. I can’t believe the psycho only got that long. The Justice system sucks so much. That’s why I’m studying it. And social policy so i can try change laws. Anyway this message is all over the show but that’s what happens with the passionate sometimes. I really hope you can try have a peaceful day. It’s raining here so i took the twins shopping. Ugh. Bad idea.
    Just remember that you know the truth and what is reality. These other people only condone bad things because they have less or no empathy. Sympathy maybe empathy no.
    Xxx ooo

    • Thank you for all your messages my friend, I do truly appreciate them and the time and effort you have taken to write them. I know you have so much going on yourself too ❤

      I think people do have a lack of empathy when it comes to abuse. Especially those who deal with abusers. They need to see them as human beings who are good really and sometimes do bad things. Which is not the reality, but it is the easy road for many.

      Plus it is easier to just tell the victims to get over it.

      I'm so tired of seeing these abusive attitudes being perpetuated everywhere.

      • Me too. It makes me want to give up. Then we doubt ourselves. I was going to fcbk you and say hey don’t reply to all those messages on wordpress lol but i went for that peaceful shower. Yeah right. X

  3. You are a wonderful person. They were all wrong. Very very wrong. Never accept anything other than what we know is true and that all abuse is bad. Very bad