My husband can be such a miserable shit and takes his bad moods and issues out on my children, and me. And has always felt quite entitled to do so.
Since doing night shifts, his ‘tired’ moods are pretty bad and he complains about the kids making noise and makes me have anxiety trying to keep them quiet, until I told him a few months back, I’m not tip toeing around his miserable moods any more.
Due to being diagnosed with a personality disorder a few weeks back, he has been prescribed Prozac, which he has recently started taking over the last week.
This last few days – while on night shifts – I have noticed he has been making an effort to be less miserable and shitty.
So I told him this just now. I said that I noticed he has been making an effort and has not been grumpy, to which he stated he has been making an effort.
I told him the Prozac won’t be the reason either – because he hasn’t been taking it long enough, so I wanted to acknowledge that it is ‘his effort’……. not the medication.
To which he agreed, it isn’t the medication.
Then I stated calmly, that he could have been making this effort all along in the past – couldn’t he….. ??
To which he laughed and jokingly stated ‘oh no – it’s the medication’.
And I laughed because I knew exactly what he was joking about. That he is jokingly not wanting to admit, that he was a selfish shit all along and could have been a more decent person making this effort, for the last few (15) years.
I can tell from this exchange and convo, that he ‘does’ get it.
He knows, his behaviour has been selfish and that is not okay.
And that with effort, things could have very different and that he ‘chose’ to make life crappy for our sons, and for me.
But, I didn’t labour this point, because I want him to feel encouraged.
And all progress, is progress.
And I always want to acknowledge and encourage that.
Update, since this convo, my husband has confessed that he has been lying to me for the last few days. I told him his parents who were planning to come over for Christmas, need to ‘not’ book their flights yet, for various reasons – including that I have too much to deal with already that is making me ill – which is partly his issues and they have issues which are hard to deal with. And just wait until closer to the time, to see what is happening. He was supposed to tell them not to book their flights yet.. And he didn’t and now their flights are booked.
For fucks sake!