It’s sad how many are sucked into believing abusers ‘can’t help it’.

A recent post to my page…

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It amazes me how many people get sucked into believing narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths/paedophiles …… ‘can’t help’ what they do when hurting/abusing others. Even mental health professionals get sucked in.

They can ‘help it’.

They are ‘unwilling’ to stop.

Not ‘unable’.

And the very fact that they can behave appropriately around people and ‘choose’ who they prey upon to harm, and do it behind closed doors, and often lie about it, deny it etc…..shows how they *do* know what is good and what is harmful behaviour.

And the ‘excuses’ made about them being abused themselves….. still does ‘not’ take away from the fact that they do ‘choose’ to behave in abusive ways.

They are not psychotic, they are not ‘insane’ – they *do* know right from wrong……. they just lack the willingness to have empathy, conscience, remorse, guilt and they often ‘enjoy’ what they do.

This is as per experts in personality disorders, so please do not fall for anyone stating that they ‘can’t help it’.

Society needs to stop making excuses

for abusive people.

Society needs to stop minimizing,

justifying, normalising and

excusing what they do.

Abuse is increasing and people with these types of personality disorders, are often those causing this increasing abuse.

We need to stop making excuses and having misplaced compassion and realise that when people make choices to harm others, this is never okay.

This is not a page for making ‘excuses’ for abuse ……. and I remind everyone, this is page that is dealing with the life impacting and devastating abuse, many of these personality disordered people have chosen to inflict, wrecking lives, causing suicide and life long mental health issues.

And I am not stating any of this to incite hatred, or revenge, or retaliation  ….. but to deal with the ‘reality’ of how abuse is caused, and to support the victims of all this abuse – because the victims did not deserve for these people to choose to inflict abuse upon them.

Abuse is wrong, disgusting and never ‘excusable’.

Many of us, don’t have a ‘pre-trauma’ us.

I feel very sad for myself – sadness that my entire life has been, and still is, affected by abuse.

Finally reading Dr Bessel van der Kolk’s book…… The Body Keeps the Score.

As he is a leading and world renowned expert in complex trauma and I refer to his work, I should read all of his book, rather than just the extracts I have read online.

His work his very emotive and hard going for me to read…… because it highlights the devastating impact and suffering caused to me by all the abuse in the first 20 years of my life.

His work is why I know about re-enactment of abuse, compulsion to repeat trauma and all those horrendous impacts of complex trauma that has devastated my entire life.

But, as I have done virtually all my own counselling in learning as much as I have and being as honest with myself as I am, and having self insight ……… I do realise I need to know all I can.

So, I am now reading it.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938/ref=as_sl_pc_tf_til?tag=thtrceatjr-20&linkCode=w00&linkId&creativeASIN=0670785938

This is now on my Website as a book recommendation too.

http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!book-recommedationsresources/cnqp

Trauma in childhood, is worse than in adulthood and I wish people would stop invalidating this.

There is this BS perpetuated in society, that all trauma is equal. It isn’t and it is so obvious why – because the child’s immature brain is still developing. Why people refuse to see this, I don’t know.

Not all trauma is equal at all and it is very invalidating to childhood complex trauma survivors, to compare the trauma they endured, to trauma other’s only endured in adulthood.

I know my brain is wired for fear. It is also hard wired for vigilance – due to fear, and I see red flags and behaviours and I watch people and study them, subconsciously. It is actually deeper than average discernment, but people’s issues, do create fear in me, because I know this means they can hurt me.

This is all due to my childhood, which was abuse every single day, from the day I was born. Being raised by sociopaths and being abused in more ways than I wish to even think about right now.

http://soundmedicine.org/post/childhood-trauma-leads-brains-wired-fear

Some inappropriate humour, that keeps me going…. praise God for giving me a sense of humour.

The human ego, is a destructive critter.

I see the human ego and the destruction it causes everywhere.

The human ego blinds people to the truth and it can be very covert and very non obvious to most.

Even in those who seem wise and like to promote themselves as caring ‘people’ persons. Their need to be seen as that and believe they ‘are’ that …….. blinds their perception of the truth in many ways – about self and about others.

The human ego is responsible for so much destruction, suffering and harm in this world and I see that clearly.

It blinds people to truth, honesty, insight and reality.

And I only know this, due to how much I have studied humanity to survive, and also because I am willing to go deep within to my own self…… with honesty. And this has enabled me, to see so many issues within others and where people are blind, but think they see.

Only those willing to be really honest with and about self, have the capacity to see the reality of others, with clear vision.

I wonder what I could be doing, with the right support in my life.

I don’t have support from my husband and I am realising I don’t have the professional support I need.

My husband makes my life harder, and causes me constant issues to deal with because of his personality disordered issues. I have no love, no support, nothing but grief, hurt, lies, manipulation and other forms of abuse, and his issues are exhausting and destructive.

My professional support is a church person – who promotes being a martyr to abuse, stay quiet and chooses to have more ‘compassion’ for abusers, than the victims. It’s a church issue I see very clearly and goes on a lot. She has never supported my work, my ministry, but has an ego to believe hers is worthy. She has always been quick to encourage me to shut down this blog and my page etc and has never told me what I do is valuable or worthwhile. It’s because I don’t live my life ‘the church way’. I speak the truth about abuse and abusers and how badly church people behave, and I don’t just tolerate abuse as ‘adequate’, like many immature church people. As a result, I do not fit in, and do not want to fit it, with church people.

I actually have emotional & spiritual courage and integrity and that doesn’t seem to go down well with many.

I don’t have the support I need, to help me with my passion and my calling to help others.

I realise if I did, I would be able to do considerably more than I am doing.

And I know I already do enough. My work online helps 100’s every day, due to the high volume traffic through my website and this blog.

I have been told repeatedly that I am capable of a lot more, and I have so much potential to do more. And my insight is ‘incredible’. As per other MH professionals.

But, the lack of support in my life, is holding me back and I see that.

I do wonder what I could be doing to help more people, if I had the support I do deserve and do need.