Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Reading Anne Lamott – Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers

http://www.amazon.com/Help-Thanks-Wow-Essential-Prayers/dp/1469252171

I have read a little about Anne Lamott, and I know her quotes are posted a lot around social media. I know she is a Christian, but does not feel the need to be a church sheep (as I don’t), is not liked at all by right wing church people (as I am not) and she is also a progressive thinker and an activist (as I attempt to be).

I was recently said to remind someone of Anne Lamott (note I am not comparing myself to her – I could only hope to achieve all she has), so I have decided to read her work and she how we have similarities, and what I can learn.


What others have stated about Anne’s best selling work…..

Inspiriting, trenchant, and funny, best-selling Lamott takes an imaginative do-it-yourself approach to spirituality in her disarming and stirring essays. Unabashedly emotional yet practical and sharply attuned to the absurdities and tragedies of life, she focuses on prayer in this mighty little volume, defining it as “communication from the heart to that which surpasses understanding.” If you are uncomfortable addressing God, Lamott suggests praying to “the Good.” The point is to make contact with “the Real, with Truth, with the Light.” To take a moment to focus and breathe. She cites three basic themes. Asking for help, she writes, “is the first great prayer.” Giving thanks is essential, and not only when things are going well. One also benefits from summoning gratitude for hard truths and tough challenges. “Wow” is the joyful expression of wonder in response to astonishing moments great and small. With a stand-up comic’s snap and pop, candid and righteous Lamott tells hilarious and wrenching tales about various predicaments that have sparked her prayers and inspired her to encourage others to pray anytime, anywhere, and any way. –Donna Seaman –This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

 

Review

A book on prayer that surpasses all faith, denomination and big word bias and instead deals with the reality of heart and prayer — Melanie Carroll thegoodbookstall.org.uk In HELP, THANKS, WOW Anne Lamott, a well-known Ameican writer, tells us that there are really only three important types of prayer. This is a brief introduction to pray and is published by Hodder. Church of England The book is compelling and fascinating… of interest, to anyone seeking to understand why individuals no longer feel called to engage en masse with the Christian church in the west, but still feel called to a personal faith. Life and Work (Church of Scotland) This small book is simply amazing- a book on prayer that surpasses all faith, denomination and big word bias, instead dealing with the reality of heart and prayer… a stunning book. — Melanie Carroll Together Magazine In Help, Thanks, Wow , Lamott recounts how she came to these insights, explains what they have meant to her over the years and how they’ve helped and how others have embraced these ideas. Watkins Mind Body Spirit Her writing is disarmingly profound. Breezily easy to read, but there’s grace to uncover. Christianity No matter how you say it, grace can transform an ordinary meal into a celebration- of family, love and gratitude, says author Anne Lamot Families First Magazine Lamott insists that keeping prayers simple is essential when dealing with everyday problems … Prayer is a resonance with something beyond our pains and physical locations. Prayer allows for a reprieve from grievances, and a therapeutic release and connection with someone that listens. Church of England Newspaper –This text refers to the Hardcover edition.


Is it wise to be promoting Mardi Gras as okay….. healthy….. safe ?

I don’t have issues with people being gay, or bisexual. I do have issues these days, with lifestyle choices that are not appropriate, and not wise, are about sex without self respect and hyper-sexualised behaviours, relaying an unhealthy message to society.

Mardi Gras is known to be about gay pride, but also known to be about partying, wearing little, tight spandex and being sexually provocative/promiscious, plus drugs and alcohol.

I personally, have changed a lot on my moral compass and I know many issues society encourages and normalises, are not okay. They promote sexual behaviours that are not about love, respect, or self respect.

I used to wear next to nothing, show a lot of skin, be sexually provocative and sexually promiscuous….. but now I realise that is all very unhealthy and about lack of self respect, plus a heap of abuse related issues – all disordered. Now I choose not to be involved in that.

So, whilst I understand gay people wish to be proud and okay with who they are…….. is the Mardi Gras lifestyle what most gay people are even involved in. They are not. And many quite rightly, do not want to be associated with it.

And the Mardi Gras lifestyle, if about heterosexual behaviours, to me is not okay. This does not mean I think people involved in Mardi Gras are bad people at all. I just don’t support the behaviour as healthy, or respectful.

And I noticed one of the biggest Aus mental health organisations Beyond Blue – were promoting and joining in with the Mardi Gras celebrations. Which concerns me.

I think too many in society believe ‘being who you are’ and proud of that, is needed……. regardless of whether this is morally decent, or healthy, or safe, or not.

In the heterosexual world, examples of this are 50 Shades of Grey and the BDSM lifestyle, which I do not agree are healthy.

So, this issue I have with Mardi Gras, is not a ‘gay’ issue. I am sexually attracted to women myself, so I don’t have an issue with being gay or being bisexual. And if my marriage breaks down and we get divorced, I think I probably would only ever consider a relationship with a woman in the future.

But, I do not believe in promoting unhealthy lifestyles that promote low standards of morality and lack of respect.

I was glad to see this article about a gay man, who also takes issues with the Mardi Gras celebrations and the negative image it creates for all gay people.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/mardi-gras-2015-im-not-proud-to-be-gay/story-fnixw28g-1227252721752?utm_content=SocialFlow&utm_campaign=EditorialSF&utm_source=CourierMail&utm_medium=Facebook


Retreating into my own little internal life.

Dissociation has kept me alive in my life and it continues to. I am increasingly retreating into my own little world, like I used to as a child. There, I am me and imagine life as it should be. It’s the only way I can cope. Just be me in my own world, and what everyone else wants when I have to be present.

ldr blue jeans


My life, has been about ‘being what other people want me to be – for their needs’.

My entire life has been about catering to the needs of unhealthy people and feeling like I have to be who they insist I be.

This is still continuing.

And my counsellor has even encouraged this with my husband. Be the personality type that ‘he’ wants me to be, because then there is less of ‘his’ issues.

I want to be ‘me’. Not who everyone else insists I be, to cater to their unhealthy disordered needs.

But, I do see it makes life easier, when I am what everyone else wants.

Be the ‘strong survivor’ – for everyone else, because they want to rely on me. I can’t be weak, because I am ‘supposed’ to be strong all the time.

Be the ‘girl’ your immature, narcissistic husband wants, because he can’t be a grown up and makes my life hard with more abuse if I don’t.

Model being the ‘silent martyr good wife Christian’ and make your abusive relationship ‘adequate’ ….. to appease the counsellor and what she promotes and ‘live up’ to what her friends do.

I could go on, but I’m too tired to write anymore.

Everyone projects their demands of who I be, onto my life.

I’ve never been ‘allowed’ to just be me.

And rather than face abandonment, or getting hurt more, I’ve gone along with it.

And no-one ever cared, what ‘I’ need – for me.

I have no worth, to all these people.