Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I want to go do something really reckless….


I know I am in a bad way and I have no-one I can go to.

My husband doesn’t care about me at all and lies, manipulates and many other abusive, narcissistic behaviours.

I can’t even write what I feel about my counselling.

On top of everything else I am still trying to deal with about my past…. I cannot cope. At all.

I want to go do something really reckless… drive my car far too fast down the highway, go to a club and get drunk and pick up some guy …… something, anything, to relieve this fear and panic I now have built up in me.

I want to be completely reckless and destructive.

And hurt myself.

To relieve the fear and pain.

I’m in a bad way and I know it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I want to go do something really reckless….

  1. Sending kind thoughts to you. Please look after yourself- you owe it to yourself.

  2. I am sad for your pain. My husband feels the same way about me after 42 years of marriage in a week and my counselor of 20 years is now quitting. I will not start over with another. I already know what they will say and do. The absolute only one I can trust is God. That is it. I don’t understand why you are suffering but I understand and know God does. Maybe it’s to help those of us with no voice to encourage our silent voices. You are so important! If you need to take time away from this rat race of life ..,,,,do it for Lilly. Nothing reckless …you deserve the very best. ❤

  3. Please look up (Google) the poem, “Desiderata”. Pay special attention to the last paragraph. You ARE a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you DO have a right to be here.