Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When the fear spiral downwards starts, it gains momentum … fast.

Fear is a terrible experience.

You’d think I would be used to it by now. I’ve endured so much fear in my life. But, it still affects me, exactly the same way it has all my life.

When faced with my worst fears – abandonment, loss……. the fear takes over and it will bring me to begging, and if necessary I will just say and do whatever is needed. To survive the fear and avoid what I fear the most….. abandonment by someone I have an attachment to, who I need, who I have become dependent on.

And this is where I am heading. The good old fawn trauma response. Do what they want, do what they say, agree, comply, be a good girl, don’t complain, don’t argue, don’t stand up for yourself., don’t say what someone is doing is wrong ….. you know will get hurt, if you do. They will leave you, you will be alone.

I know what’s coming, I will apologise for what I feel, I will say whatever is needed, whatever repairs the damage, completely to the cost of my own self respect and my own needs.

It’s how it has always been.

I will do whatever, than be hurt, and faced with hurt I cannot cope with, or abandonment ……. I will do anything.

Which is the lessor of the two evils.

The lessor of the two evils of fear.

don't leave me

“Don’t leave me now……. don’t say goodbye…… don’t turn around……leave me high and dry” – Lana Del Rey – Ride

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Comments are closed.