Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I’d do anything to have a hug from someone who doesn’t want something from me.

They say hugging is good medicine, but I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had anyone who cares about me in a genuine way. Hugs have always been about wanting something from me, from my body, or to make themselves feel better.

I’d like to know what a hug that is genuine, caring, about love, feels like. For me.

I know I do crave loving human contact.

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Fear and self hatred……. still as intense as it was as a scared, lonely, abused child.

shame

Fear is terrible to experience.

It never gets easier to endure, and is still as intense as it was as a child being severely abused, scared and alone.

Fear reduces me to behaviours still, that completely destroys any self respect.

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Empathy, from someone about being alone and coping as best I can.

I am so thankful to have received these kind words, from someone who is a trauma/abuse survivor and has loving parents and has amazing support. But she still has the empathy capacity to understand that being alone, and coping with all I have, and not having support from loved ones, is so much harder.

And understands my honesty when I shared how I had literally reduced myself to begging my counsellor to say something nice to me and how I don’t have my shit together all the time, and definitely not now.


“Firstly, I applaud your honestly.

Secondly, I’m not a counsellor, let alone yours so I’m not sure if this will have the same effect, but here are some nice and honest things I am happy to tell you anytime. 

First off, I believe every person deserves empathy but someone such as yourself who gives it to so many people on a daily basis is especially deserving in my book. Not only are you valued and worthy because of the incredible work you do for other survivors but simply because you are you and that is reason enough.

I understand that sometimes it’s nearly impossible to feel safe with/ believe those good things but as you are well aware of, that’s just a survival response and I hope you’ll remember some times when you felt differently and know that it will get back there again.

Also, knowing that you don’t have much support apart from your counsellor, (no supportive family, friends nearby, correct?) makes your story of healing all the more amazing. I could not have done it without my family and I can’t imagine not having them to say things like that to “please say something nice,” etc.

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