I am so thankful to have received these kind words, from someone who is a trauma/abuse survivor and has loving parents and has amazing support. But she still has the empathy capacity to understand that being alone, and coping with all I have, and not having support from loved ones, is so much harder.
And understands my honesty when I shared how I had literally reduced myself to begging my counsellor to say something nice to me and how I don’t have my shit together all the time, and definitely not now.
“Firstly, I applaud your honestly.
Secondly, I’m not a counsellor, let alone yours so I’m not sure if this will have the same effect, but here are some nice and honest things I am happy to tell you anytime.
First off, I believe every person deserves empathy but someone such as yourself who gives it to so many people on a daily basis is especially deserving in my book. Not only are you valued and worthy because of the incredible work you do for other survivors but simply because you are you and that is reason enough.
I understand that sometimes it’s nearly impossible to feel safe with/ believe those good things but as you are well aware of, that’s just a survival response and I hope you’ll remember some times when you felt differently and know that it will get back there again.
Also, knowing that you don’t have much support apart from your counsellor, (no supportive family, friends nearby, correct?) makes your story of healing all the more amazing. I could not have done it without my family and I can’t imagine not having them to say things like that to “please say something nice,” etc.
So I really think you are doing quite incredibly and I think a lot of people would be a lot worse off without you. Again, not only what you do for others, but just what you are doing for yourself and your children is amazing.
And if you didn’t “do” anything at all you would still have infinite value and worth and be deserving of empathy.
Hope that helps a tiny tad bit.”
Another friend commented on how I am not good at believing good things about myself.
I know it’s easier to believe the bad things I have heard about myself, see all the harm people have caused me, all the lies, all the manipulation, all the abuse, and to see how my counsellor doesn’t value my thoughts and views unless I choose to think exactly like her …. than it is to hold onto the nice things people do say about me.
I’ve been hearing bad things about myself, for 43 years now.
I’ve never had anyone who loves me and cares about my wellbeing. Never.
People either want something from me, or demand I think like them……. and I am worthless to them all, unless I comply.