Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

If only all churches and church people had this attitude! About the darkness that does indeed lie within.

John Dickson is tackling domestic violence within the church. A huge issue and I see it clearly needs addressing. As does child abuse.


His comment at the end of a post is exactly how all churches should be thinking……

Finally, many Christians believe – and I agree – that we are at our best when we listen to our worst critics, face up to whatever darkness lies within, and make changes in the power of God’s Spirit and to his Glory.

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I can’t go to the Bessel van der Kolk workshop, and it takes empathy to understand why.

B v d K’s profound work, is all about complex trauma and how badly this messes people up. All the terrible and painful ways complex trauma affects victims.

One of his areas of insight, is about re-enactment of abuse, and how people like myself, subconsciously choose abusive people and abusive relationships, to be harmed more. How we hurt ourselves over and over. And all the psychological reasons why.

A while back, I booked to go to this workshop, and it’s next week and I told my counsellor today I can’t go. And she didn’t understand why and just kept on about how it was sad I wasn’t going and encouraging me to go. *sigh. I see she just does not have the empathy to understand me, or what I am enduring, and all I have endured.

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So numb, I can’t even talk in counselling.

I’m surviving the only way I know that doesn’t get me more hurt.

Numbed out, doing what’s expected of me. Don’t argue, don’t stand up for myself, agree with whatever people want.

Life is easier that way.

I have children to consider and they have to come before me.

And I have no-one physically in my life who cares about me and no-one to help me and I can’t cope with everything going on, on my own.

It’s easy for people to say I should be doing XYZ. It’s easy for my counsellor to project what she believes and remind me frequently how she thinks I have courage, but no wisdom. It’s easy for everyone to say what ‘they’ think. And to make me feel like a failure and more shame, for not doing what is ‘expected’ of me.

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Is your partner a narcissist? …….. I couldn’t read them all. Highlights all my emotional self harming.


So depressing.

My husbands traits……. all listed out……. one after another.

I got to the lying and manipulating and had to stop.

This just highlights how much self harming I have done in my life.

Way too many narcissistic and sociopathic people.

All to hurt me more.

Thanks mother – you did your best to fuck up my life and you succeeded. You taught me how to accept abuse, believe I deserve it and deserve noting else and to keep hurting myself, the way you enjoyed inflicting.

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People should not under-estimate my capacity to spot narcissism….

In light of the UK TV ‘Top Gear’ presenter – Jeremy Clarkson being in the news today ……. for punching a producer and being suspended, my blog post I wrote about him a year ago – detecting him to as having high level narcissistic/sociopathic traits, is being read continually now, heaps of views of that post.


I haven’t shared that post onto social media, ever. It was my observations of him expressed in a blog, my views validated by others who have also written about his obvious narcissism.

The blog post is being read simply by people google searching him, and finding my blog, as it is coming up high on search results..

My husband did a search term ‘Jeremy Clarkson narcissist’ on his tablet …….. and my blog came up second on the search results!

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A friend of mine, knew one of these disgusting human trafficking individuals..

29 arrests in online human trafficking sting…..

A friend of mine, worked with one of these. He was a nurse. Yep, a nurse. And she had no idea what he really was. Just shows how covert and manipulative these sociopaths/psychopaths can be. They can be any profession, often those where they can get close to vulnerable people.


My life is surreal….. people’s therapists know who I am!

A dear friend who is also a counsellor, asked her own therapist if he knew who I am and he said yes….. and was stoked that his client had made a ‘healthy connection’.

I have been told I am becoming well known in the ‘trauma and PTSD’ world, and I always just laugh that off….

She also said she had never heard of Complex PTSD, until she came across my work, as Complex PTSD is not known about much in certain countries.

I realise complex trauma and Complex PTSD are still relatively new fields of psychology and are not commonly known about. I am glad my website and this blog and my page are all gaining attention – not so I can be well known, but so Complex Trauma and complex PTSD can become more well known and more are educated and awareness raised, as a result.

And to my own counsellor who doesn’t encourage me in my ‘work’


Lots of mental health professionals, do validate what I do as worthwhile.