Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I really believe in the power of healing, even if I’m not personally healing.

4 Comments

I see that I am back to where I have always been. Any healing I thought I was going through, has obvious not occurred. Maybe I just thought that if I believed it, it was true. Now, I have given up.

People talk about my courage. It’s the only positive thing my counsellor speaks of me having and now it is pretty obvious, I am failing at that. I realise considering where I am at now, this proves my courage is not as deep as anyone thinks.

I feel like a complete failure, I feel deep shame and self loathing. I’m not strong enough and I have to accept that about myself.

I feel like a fraud at times – talking about healing to others, when I am clearly so far from that myself.

But, whilst I realise I am not healing ………. I do still believe in healing for others. I see others that have courage needed and are improving their lives and I am so deeply thankful for that for them. I want to still encourage that in others.

It is my greatest desire, that other people heal and I know this is possible for many, as they develop the strength needed to improve their lives and move away from trauma.

Even if I have given up, I want others to not give up and I know others have it in them to not give up and I want to support that.

Even if I can’t do this myself…….. I want this for others.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “I really believe in the power of healing, even if I’m not personally healing.

  1. Please don’t give up.

  2. “I feel like a complete failure, I feel deep shame and self loathing. I’m not strong enough and I have to accept that about myself.

    I feel like a fraud at times – talking about healing to others, when I am clearly so far from that myself.”

    I understand this and I feel like this too, at times. First, you are not a failure. Anyway who can face the struggle with the desire to heal is NOT a failure. It is a painful thing to face what hurts us. You are NOT a failure, because in your transparency you are helping others. You are NOT a fraud, no matter how far or close you are to your healing.

    I feel like this at times too. Actually…. that’s not true, I feel like this ALOT of times. I also encourage and believe for other people, but when it comes to me… I struggle.

    Healing can come instantly, I believe this. But, sometimes (maybe even most of times) it is a process. A process of a couple steps forward, a step back, a couple steps forward. We are NEVER a failure if we get back up when we fall down.

    Thank you for your transparency, you do have courage, let no one take that from you… not even yourself.

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  4. Keep your faith and don’t give up. Unfortunately, it’s in God’s timing, not ours. I will keep praying for you.