Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Mixed emotions about not attending the Bessel van der Kolk workshop.


I am supposed to be there now, but I couldn’t bring myself to go. I can’t do anything that is going to cause me any further distress right now, I am too fragile.

I feel sad, upset, a failure, weak, pathetic …… but relief and like I know I am doing what I need to protect myself, all at the same time.


His work is too emotive to me to deal with right now. And at the end of the day, no-one else is living my life, bar me. So, I have to know that and remind myself of that. It’s easy for others to say what I ‘should’ do.

I also feel terrible I have wasted $700. I could have used that for my children. Wasting money, when we are already on a low income, does not sit well with me. I feel really bad about it.

But, it is what it is, and I can only do my best to survive my life.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Mixed emotions about not attending the Bessel van der Kolk workshop.

  1. Oh bummer. But that’s ok. I So would have flown over. Dint be disheartened my dear you are self caring by not going.

  2. I went to Bessel’s workshop yesterday, and I’m going again today. It was great for me. He is even more brilliant in person, and so down to earth. Sorry you couldn’t be there. Protecting yourself is important — he would definitely agree and respect that.