I see a lot of victim shaming and making excuses for abusive people, I see it everywhere. I even see it in my own counselling.
I think church people, and people who work with abusers, often feel compelled to have compassion for abusive people, despite knowing that these abusers wanted to cause harm, made choices to cause harm, and enjoyed it.
So, in order to have this level of compassion they feel they have to have and to be able to deal with them in a nice way …… they minimize what the victims endure….and want the victims to ‘get over it’ – so they can believe that abusers don’t really cause the level of damage that harms someone for a whole lifetime, causes so much pain that suicide occurs.
By shaming the victims, with this belief that they need to ‘get over it’ quicker, or shame them with this accusation of not forgiving etc…… they can blame the victim…… and not put the blame and shame where it is needed….. with the abuser.
Because to actually believe that abuse can be so evil that it causes lifelong damage to many and can result in suicide.. will make it harder to have compassion for the abuser who caused the evil.
And if it is harder to have compassion for the abuser, it’s harder to look like and believe self as being these wonderful, compassionate people, who have compassion for everyone. Plus, it is easier for them to deal directly with these people.
Of course it is easier to deal with sex offenders, serial rapists, paedophiles, psychopaths etc – if you minimize the evil they caused’ intentionally’, if you make excuses for them. That makes it much easier to be nice to them.