Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Maybe this is why some people shame victims, and refuse to see abusers for what they really are.

I see a lot of victim shaming and making excuses for abusive people, I see it everywhere. I even see it in my own counselling.

I think church people, and people who work with abusers, often feel compelled to have compassion for abusive people, despite knowing that these abusers wanted to cause harm, made choices to cause harm, and enjoyed it.

So, in order to have this level of compassion they feel they have to have and to be able to deal with them in a nice way …… they minimize what the victims endure….and want the victims to ‘get over it’ – so they can believe that abusers don’t really cause the level of damage that harms someone for a whole lifetime, causes so much pain that suicide occurs.

By shaming the victims, with this belief that they need to ‘get over it’ quicker, or shame them with this accusation of not forgiving etc…… they can blame the victim…… and not put the blame and shame where it is needed….. with the abuser.

Because to actually believe that abuse can be so evil that it causes lifelong damage to many and can result in suicide.. will make it harder to have compassion for the abuser who caused the evil.

And if it is harder to have compassion for the abuser, it’s harder to look like and believe self as being these wonderful, compassionate people, who have compassion for everyone. Plus, it is easier for them to deal directly with these people.

Of course it is easier to deal with sex offenders, serial rapists, paedophiles, psychopaths etc – if you minimize the evil they caused’ intentionally’, if you make excuses for them. That makes it much easier to be nice to them.

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Toxic shame plagues my life – a frank, honest and open post to my page, to reach out to others.

Shame – a toxic and very common issue, for trauma survivors.

Shame is a huge issue for many trauma/abuse survivors and I know this has plagued my whole life.

Due to so much abuse, I have always felt deep down I am a bad person, who ‘deserves’ to be abused, as I was told by many.

I have never felt ‘good enough’ all my life, and that even continues on now, even believing I am not ‘good enough’ in the eyes of my counsellor.

The shame of being someone abused by so many people and that continual re-enforcement that I feel like am inherently ‘bad’, causes considerable emotional pain.

The toxic shame of child sexual abuse, also brings many deep and painful issues, including those highly emotive issues of re-enactment of abuse and subconsciously seeking out relationships with people who will hurt me. And none of this was a ‘conscious’ understanding of what I have been doing, and now I do understand it, it brings so much shame and pain with it.

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Now, I am trying to deal with all the many deeply painful emotions and all the intense life long grieving – that goes with all this.

And sometimes, it feels unbearable.

I am sharing this, only because I know if I am enduring this, others will be too and I want to reach out to people for them to know, there is someone who understands all this and the shame we can feel.

And please know, that intellectual understanding of all this……which I do have….. does not mean we are suddenly healed……it takes a long time, as I am seeing with myself.

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Nearly cried in Target today….. I found a Milly Molly Mandy book :)

I had the fun of going to buy one of my son’s friends Birthday present today, and she is 6, very girlie and loves pink 🙂

Whilst looking around Target – I found a Milly Molly Mandy book and nearly cried – in the middle of the store.

Milly Molly Mandy was one of my favourite childhood books and books were a huge escape for me in my childhood.

So, there is significant emotional attachment and connection to this book and now I have one again.

My inner child is delighted, yet very emotional about this book.

I think sook should be my middle name.

Milly Molly Mandy book 🙂

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Intellectually, I realise I am strong and courageous…. and one day I might know this emotionally.

Sometimes, when I sit and think about all the abuse I have endured, which is every type, to a severe level – sexual violence,  child sexual abuse, psychological, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual….. abuse since birth….. continuing for decades….

Endured several sociopaths, several narcissists, a sadistic psychopath and a paedophile, set up my own mother to be sexually abused as a child, scapegoating abuse – which is psychologically horrendous….two abusive marriages….the list is massive…

I do wonder how the hell I am still alive.

It makes me realise, just how strong I really am…… even though most of the time, I feel the opposite.

No-one could survive all that, and not be strong and courageous.

I must hold onto knowing this.

Plus I am decent person, who helps others, has empathy. I am not perfect, but I do have gifts and talents and I need to hold onto that.

I added my picture today, to my website, as an act of courage, because I refuse to be harmed by threats from the past, any longer. And I am not a fan of pictures of myself. But this one is okay.

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Amazing how many mental health professionals, know my work.

It really does feel quite surreal to me, how many people tell me that their therapists know my page/website/blog…

I’m aware how much traffic my Website and Blog get, and how many view my page, yet it still shocks me when I hear how many mental health professionals use and value my work.

I am thankful if anything I do helps anyone, and I know my work helps educate mental health professionals, to better help their clients because many have told me.

I should feel a little proud of that, as I work hard to help others.

But, I can see that my continual surprise and shock, is no doubt my insecurity and feeling of ‘never being good enough’ and not of value to others ….. which continues to plague my life, along with crippling shame.