Shame – a toxic and very common issue, for trauma survivors.
Shame is a huge issue for many trauma/abuse survivors and I know this has plagued my whole life.
Due to so much abuse, I have always felt deep down I am a bad person, who ‘deserves’ to be abused, as I was told by many.
I have never felt ‘good enough’ all my life, and that even continues on now, even believing I am not ‘good enough’ in the eyes of my counsellor.
The shame of being someone abused by so many people and that continual re-enforcement that I feel like am inherently ‘bad’, causes considerable emotional pain.
The toxic shame of child sexual abuse, also brings many deep and painful issues, including those highly emotive issues of re-enactment of abuse and subconsciously seeking out relationships with people who will hurt me. And none of this was a ‘conscious’ understanding of what I have been doing, and now I do understand it, it brings so much shame and pain with it.
Now, I am trying to deal with all the many deeply painful emotions and all the intense life long grieving – that goes with all this.
And sometimes, it feels unbearable.
I am sharing this, only because I know if I am enduring this, others will be too and I want to reach out to people for them to know, there is someone who understands all this and the shame we can feel.
And please know, that intellectual understanding of all this……which I do have….. does not mean we are suddenly healed……it takes a long time, as I am seeing with myself.
There is no point in just demanding that abuse survivors ‘stop feeling shame’ – because these wounds are core level, deeply entrenched wounds in our mind, body, heart and soul – and they are not easily healed, at all.
It takes time and it can take a lifetime, and that is okay.
If you relate to this in any way, please know I understand and I am in this journey too ❤
This is a link to this post on Facebook..