Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Toxic shame plagues my life – a frank, honest and open post to my page, to reach out to others.


Shame – a toxic and very common issue, for trauma survivors.

Shame is a huge issue for many trauma/abuse survivors and I know this has plagued my whole life.

Due to so much abuse, I have always felt deep down I am a bad person, who ‘deserves’ to be abused, as I was told by many.

I have never felt ‘good enough’ all my life, and that even continues on now, even believing I am not ‘good enough’ in the eyes of my counsellor.

The shame of being someone abused by so many people and that continual re-enforcement that I feel like am inherently ‘bad’, causes considerable emotional pain.

The toxic shame of child sexual abuse, also brings many deep and painful issues, including those highly emotive issues of re-enactment of abuse and subconsciously seeking out relationships with people who will hurt me. And none of this was a ‘conscious’ understanding of what I have been doing, and now I do understand it, it brings so much shame and pain with it.


Now, I am trying to deal with all the many deeply painful emotions and all the intense life long grieving – that goes with all this.

And sometimes, it feels unbearable.

I am sharing this, only because I know if I am enduring this, others will be too and I want to reach out to people for them to know, there is someone who understands all this and the shame we can feel.

And please know, that intellectual understanding of all this……which I do have….. does not mean we are suddenly healed……it takes a long time, as I am seeing with myself.

There is no point in just demanding that abuse survivors ‘stop feeling shame’ – because these wounds are core level, deeply entrenched wounds in our mind, body, heart and soul – and they are not easily healed, at all.

It takes time and it can take a lifetime, and that is okay.

If you relate to this in any way, please know I understand and I am in this journey too ❤

Lilly ❤

This is a link to this post on Facebook..

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “Toxic shame plagues my life – a frank, honest and open post to my page, to reach out to others.

  1. Reblogged this on Notes from the north and commented:
    Shame, through the eyes of an abuse survivor…..

  2. I think u hit the nail on the head when u said… U can logically understand what happened, and even understand all the different processes. But there are almost just the begining for me tge real journey one understanding I’m safe has been to wade thru wave after wave of ‘feeling’ that runs so so so deep. Sending massive comfort to u!!!! And tons of encouragement 🌼🌼🌼🌼

    • Yes, that logical, intellectual, psychological understanding of all this…… does not mean it has reached our heart and soul, or mean that it has suddenly healed the core wounds.

      It does take time and I am continually learning that I have to have patience with myself and be okay with where I am at and just accept my emotions and keep trying to have self compassion.