Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I think counsellors need to realise, they can ‘misbehave’ too.


At my last counselling session, where I wanted to explain how I know I am not an easy client, the first words out of my counsellors mouth – were about ‘misbehaving’ clients and how others wouldn’t tolerate me as a client.

I haven’t done anything other than what she told me repeatedly to do….let her know what was bothering me.

It is very patronising to talk about clients ‘misbehaving’ and she herself has spoken to me about things which are completely inappropriate for me to hear. And I’ve had this validated by other mental health professionals.

I think my counsellor is someone who rarely hears how she might be wrong, how her views may not be wisdom, how I disagree with some of her thinking and how I know she lacks empathy and have given examples.

I think she is more used to people telling her how wonderful she is. She is used to having big audiences to clap at what she says and people around her talking about her in positive ways.

She probably hasn’t had many willing to be as honest as me. And willing to think about what she says, disagree and explain why.

So, whilst I see that I am not easy, due to my capacity to discern and work through why things don’t seem okay and really process why, and then be honest about what I think……. I don’t believe this is ‘misbehaving’ at all. Especially when I was asked to say what bothers me.

But, if it is needed to patronise and talk about ‘misbehaving’, my counsellor has done a fair bit of ‘misbehaving’, herself.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I think counsellors need to realise, they can ‘misbehave’ too.

  1. Lilly! This worries me! She truly does not sound like a healthy enough person to be guiding you through your healing journey. You deserve to be treated SO much better. There truly are therapists out there who do not say those things and would never even dream of saying them. Trauma bonding and trauma repetition can occur in therapeutic/professional relationships as well as I’m sure you know. I say all of this because I truly care about you and want to see you getting the help you need to thrive. Please email or FB message me if you want to. I am here for you!

    • I’ve told my counsellor I need a break from counselling for a while.

      I really miss my previous counsellor atm. She was good at helping build my self esteem and she didn’t make me feel like a bad person. She was good with validating how hard my life is and has been and that I need self compassion. She didn’t make me feel like I’m not good enough. She said it was good how I was trying to help others and encouraged that. She was gentle with me. And right now, I need that.

      I don’t need to be compared with someone’s friends, to be told abusive relationships can be ‘adequate’, to be patronised, to be made to feel worse about myself.

      So, I’m taking a break, while I figure out what I need.

      I too am starting to feel like maybe it is an unhealthy relationship. Which creates fear within me, because I know I have issues with hurting myself, by being in unhealthy relationships.

      • I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please know that I am here to help in any way possible. It sounds like your previous counselor was much more in line with what you need. I hope you can find another counselor like that who is trauma informed and able to support you in the way you need and deserve. ❤