Life – a series of accumulating relationships to grieve, that teach me not to trust.

Life has taught me a lot about humanity. Sadly, a lot of bad stuff. Like never to rely on anyone. Never to trust anyone.

I know there are some who will say that making a decision to not trust anyone again and choose not to get close to anyone, is unhealthy. And maybe for some it is.

For me, I am done with ever expecting anything deeper than shallow relationships. I am already grieving too many relationships and the list gets longer. It’s not like I haven’t tried. Admittedly, I am clearly not good at seeking out healthy people.

But, I am at the stage of not trusting myself, to not seek out relationships that ultimately will hurt me. I ignore red flags, because I get attached to people and I don’t want to believe that person, is not healthy. I don’t want to face it ending and the deep and intense emotions I feel, of abandonment.

The Silent Treatment – passive aggressive punishment, designed to produce Fear, Obligation & Guilt.

The silent treatment is….

A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.

It is always passive aggressive when the other person involved is not aware of ‘why’ the silence is occurring and where normally communication would be forthcoming, and no explanation is given for the unusual silence.

It differs to a needed timeout or a needed break to compose self, or avoid circular conversations etc – because there is no timeframe, no re-assurance that communication will resume and there are no healthy reasons offered, for the silence.

It is about the motivation for the silence, and the way it is handled and explained to the person being avoided.

So it isn’t constructive, it is destructive and harmful.

The Silent Treatment is rarely a good approach to problem solving or problem resolution.

A good explanation for it is given here …..

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/SilentTreatment.html

Silence, is an answer. As is ignoring, witholding contact/responses.

I think I can now reasonably assume that as my counsellor has not responded to 3 emails this week, when normally she does respond, including one email saying I need to take a break and why….. means I can assume she is in agreement this is necessary. I’m not emailing her anymore.

And maybe this is God’s way of pointing me in a needed direction now.

Silence is an answer, as is ignoring and withholding contact, responses. I know enough about those behaviours and what they mean. They are passive aggressive behaviours, meant to punish, or withhold confrontation and deal with issues and will often be justified with a range of excuses.

People should not put others off considering medications for mental health.

Are some who defend abusive disordered people, in fact abusive disordered people themselves?

People make excuses for abusive people for a variety of reasons… which I have blogged about previously.

Now I am starting to see that some might be defending abusive people – like narcissists, sociopaths, because maybe they know deep down, they have the traits too.

Disordered people often don’t want to admit that is what they are – especially when those disordered traits are abusive and wrong.

Maybe some of the people defending abusive disordered people – subconsciously recognise the traits within themselves – and so immediately go on the defensive and defend abusive people……… which is actually not about having compassion for others….. it is about protecting their own selves and their own issues, so they don’t have to have self honesty and delve within, into their own darkness.

It’s easier to believe they are a decent person, rather than accept their own narcissism, their own sociopathic traits etc……. if you can make excuses for them, in others.

And of course, it is easy to then label this behaviour with the delusion, of ‘compassion’.

Society needs to start putting the responsibility where it belongs, with the abusers and stop victim blaming/shaming.

A post to my page today….

I see ‘victim blaming/victim shaming’ everywhere.

Victims/survivors of abuse, sexual violence, domestic violence, are often told in society they are ‘acting the victim’ – which is disgusting, ignorance, uneducated in trauma psychology, abusive and re-traumatising.

Abuse – is ALWAYS the responsibility, fault, blame of the abuser and they made choices to abuse.

There may be some reasons why people end up abusers, but they are never an excuse to harm another human being.

Too many excuses are made for abusers.