Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Life – a series of accumulating relationships to grieve, that teach me not to trust.

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Life has taught me a lot about humanity. Sadly, a lot of bad stuff. Like never to rely on anyone. Never to trust anyone.

I know there are some who will say that making a decision to not trust anyone again and choose not to get close to anyone, is unhealthy. And maybe for some it is.

For me, I am done with ever expecting anything deeper than shallow relationships. I am already grieving too many relationships and the list gets longer. It’s not like I haven’t tried. Admittedly, I am clearly not good at seeking out healthy people.

But, I am at the stage of not trusting myself, to not seek out relationships that ultimately will hurt me. I ignore red flags, because I get attached to people and I don’t want to believe that person, is not healthy. I don’t want to face it ending and the deep and intense emotions I feel, of abandonment.

And right now, I am just completely numb about this. I know I am suppressing needed emotions. But, I would rather just go to my safe place, where I can day dream about being with people who I can trust, who love me and don’t hurt me. It’s safe there.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Life – a series of accumulating relationships to grieve, that teach me not to trust.

  1. I Totaly understand. I don’t trust. It was very scary for me messaging you last week because of this. But i didn’t want to lose your trust all together if you found out later on. I just felt like i needed to be honest with you because we do have these issues. Hugely.
    I hope you OK. And that this i feel has something to do with your counselor but i could be wrong.i hope she is still not condoning abuse or whatever she does that upsets you. X

  2. I am so very sorry. I know you know this, but I feel like I have to say that there really are good, trustworthy people out there but that due to trauma bonding and trauma repetition, sadly you have probably not encountered a lot of them or, rather, have not been drawn to them. It’s totally unfair that when people have been abused, especially as children, they are drawn to unhealthy people until they heal the original wound. I can understand how that makes it feel like no one is trustworthy. I hope in time, and with proper support, you can begin to trust trustworthy people, as you deserve that. I support and respect whatever you feel you need to do right now and just want to offer you anything I can possibly do to help.