Life has taught me a lot about humanity. Sadly, a lot of bad stuff. Like never to rely on anyone. Never to trust anyone.
I know there are some who will say that making a decision to not trust anyone again and choose not to get close to anyone, is unhealthy. And maybe for some it is.
For me, I am done with ever expecting anything deeper than shallow relationships. I am already grieving too many relationships and the list gets longer. It’s not like I haven’t tried. Admittedly, I am clearly not good at seeking out healthy people.
But, I am at the stage of not trusting myself, to not seek out relationships that ultimately will hurt me. I ignore red flags, because I get attached to people and I don’t want to believe that person, is not healthy. I don’t want to face it ending and the deep and intense emotions I feel, of abandonment.
And right now, I am just completely numb about this. I know I am suppressing needed emotions. But, I would rather just go to my safe place, where I can day dream about being with people who I can trust, who love me and don’t hurt me. It’s safe there.