Due to being raised by highly abusive people, and living all my life in a state of fear, hyper vigilance and anxiety, due to needing to survive far too much prolonged abuse, my switch for ‘working people out’, is never off.
It is an inbuilt, sub conscious safety, protection mode, cranked up to the highest setting. And there is no dimmer, there is no off switch.
To some it may appear that I am overly critical, my expectations of others are too high, and it may even appear I believe myself to be ‘better’ than others. Which I can see how that may be how some would choose to view me. But actually it is wrong.
I don’t ‘want’ to have this vigilance/discernment switch on. I don’t want to know why people act the way they do, or know they are not being truthful and all the other things I see. I am sure my life would be easier if I was oblivious to it all.
It creates fear within me, when I see these traits. Quite frankly I would rather not know when I am being lied to, manipulated, gas-lighted, my life would be easier. I wish I could just think people are a bit weird and shrug it off, like most.
I know why my switch in continually on, and it is due to so much abuse and I would much rather none of this had happened. I would rather be someone who thinks most people are great people and those who do wrong, rarely do wrong, which is actually a positive illusion.