Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The narcissistic silent treatment.

This was interesting reading and of course – those engaging in this behaviour ~ won’t admit this is what they doing. There will always be some excuse, some justification given. And they will believe their excuses and delude themselves these excuses are real.

This was written in relation to partners, which I see in my husband – he has done this many times. But, I also see it can be applied to any type of relationship.

It will also likely be co-occurring with frequent lies, gaslighting, excuses the victim is misunderstanding/misinterpreting.

It is very covert, manipulative behaviour. And I can see this behaviour would be used in those with high enough levels of narcissism, that don’t necessarily meet a diagnosis for NPD, but are far enough along the narcissistic continuum enough to be abusive.

And it is very upsetting, abusive and frustrating – to those of us who choose and do not want to be manipulative, covert and devious and instead are very upfront and open, as I am.


Narcissistic Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is frequently utilized as a lever to gain control in the power struggles of many relationships. Never is this more evident than in the conflicts of a narcissistic relationship. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment with someone, they take it to the extreme. A narcissist may refuse to speak to or even acknowledge someone for great lengths of time- and then demand an apology that is out of proportion to the perceived offense. By demanding this apology, it supports the narcissist’s inflated view of himself or herself.

The silent treatment is a common form of abuse used by people who cannot tolerate being on the receiving end of someone else’s self-assertiveness. The silent treatment effectually cuts the victim off from the abuser; it sends a clear message to the victim about how insignificant they are and how easy it is for the abuser to live without them. It is utilized by insecure people with a poor self image who cannot keep up their end of a relationship through dialogue. When the victim does something that displeases the narcissist, they cease to exist for a certain period of time-most often extensive and disproportionate amounts of time.

The narcissist also uses the silent treatment, apathy or a general current of hostility to throw their partner off balance. The narcissist does this to find out exactly how much control they have over their victim. The most typical reason is to “punish” their partner for something they failed to do or some wrong they did (and probably are unaware of). Of course, if the partner directly asks the narcissist about it they will deny it.

It seems plausible that the narcissist also uses the silent treatment as a way to get a reaction from his partner. All narcissists use the silent treatment as a way to validate and assess the amount of control they have over a person. Typically, the victim would ask a narcissist what is wrong, why are you ignoring me, etc. This gives the narcissist power and control. It allows him or her power to do whatever they wish; if the partner doesn’t accept their behavior, or rejects their behavior, narcissists will then use the silent treatment again to draw them back in to the cycle.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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