Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Might start doing online grammar/writing courses, as I am putting my book together.

I realise my grammar is not of professional writing standard and I would like to work on that, especially if I am to publish my book.

So now I have more spare time, due to not being online as much, I would like to do something educational. Not overwhelming, or challenging … because I am not capable of that right now.

So some of the free online grammar courses available, might be useful. To both improve my writing ability, plus keep me occupied and mindful of something other than all the horrible crap in my life/past.

Can’t hurt.


Dr Phil “Internet trolls are sick, demented & evil people”. I agree.

I am always glad when some mental health professionals are willing to say it as it really is. Internet trolls, are something Dr Phil’s states he hates.

I’ve been trolled over the last 2 years, by sociopaths, paedophiles – been told to go kill myself, had hater pages set up about me, and had continual abuse from very unhealthy people and I am tired of it. One of several reasons I am no longer running my Facebook community page.

There are deep psychological reasons why people becomes trolls, but they still know what they are doing is wrong….. because they do it under fake and anonymous profiles.

And the harm they cause is terrible, far too often resulting in suicide, severe depression etc.

Online abuse, trolling, is severe abuse……. not just ‘bullying’ which really minimizes what it really is.

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I have no desire to reactivate my healing community page.

I have taken a few breaks in the past as the admin of my Facebook community page. But, I’ve always been itching to get back onto it.

I have closed it down recently, knowing I am running on empty, overwhelmed with too many issues, and quite frankly – really over seeing people’s issues vented at me… daily.

And I realise people are going though their own issues and that is exactly why I created and posted daily on my community page for over 2 years. But, I don’t need the added anxiety of knowing every day, someone will be venting onto me and being nasty, selfish, egocentric and narcissistic. And many don’t realise how their nasty behaviours are in fact narcissism, which is present in people with PTSD who are the ‘fight’ types. The ‘fight’ response, is narcissism.

I don’t actually know if I will ever re-activate the page. I don’t need the added hassle it brings and it does feel like a form of self harming, to put myself out there on FB, opening up this platform for other people’s disordered and dysfunctional issues to be vented onto me.

I feel safer, not having to log on to it. And that is something I should not ignore. Continue reading

Chronic depression or chronic shame?


Depression is so inherent in childhood trauma it’s as natural to us as breathing.

What comes to mind for me is the feeling of being “unlovable,” and that is the seed of shame. The feelings of the parent, whether expressly communicated or intuited by the child, become internalized and automatic. And the state of being alone and powerless is so pervasive we don’t even know how they shape our lives — even our treatment.

Interesting ^^^ article that speaks about the affects of severe prolonged child abuse and the chronic shame that results. Having been blogging this myself, I see chronic shame is a huge issue for severe child abuse/severe child neglect survivors.

I battle it constantly, but I ‘am’ aware of it and that I guess, means progress.  I know having introspection and self insight plus the capacity for real self honesty, is unusual. And this is all stuff I have worked out myself, I didn’t learn any of this in counselling.

I’m aware my capacity to work out my emotions, and my behaviours, is not common. Plus I can also work out behaviours in others. That’s not common either.

I also struggle with chronic abandonment depression, and that never goes away.

I have been abandoned, neglected, abused in some form, by every significant person in my life. And that is fact.

I hope Jeremy Clarkson is sacked, it’s long overdue.

I blogged some time back about Clarkson being so clearly highly narcissistic and all the many reasons why.

Now he’s gone too far….. not content with his ongoing racism and his succession of abuse already, he has now abused and punched a colleague and he deserves to be sacked. Because this is the latest in a long line of abusive and narcissistic behaviours.

I hope the BBC do sack him, although because he is so popular with all the immature and unhealthy followers of Top Gear who like narcissistic people and think Clarkson is funny, he will no doubt end up on another channel. Money and success is everything to most TV people.

I find it very sad that so many people find this type of person funny and treat him like his behaviours are not only okay, but to be admired.

He isn’t funny at all – to mature people.

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