Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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It’s that time of night.

In the evenings when everyone is in bed, is when I feel my emotions. I spend most days, trying so hard not to allow my ‘stuff’ to affect my family, that by the time it gets to the evening, I often feel exhausted and unable to keep those emotions from rising up.

The weekends are worse for me, because my children are home all day. This weekend my husband is too.

I had to go out earlier, to get a break. In fact, I went out twice.

Depression, grieving, intense emotions to suppress, PTSD, nightmares, anxiety, counselling ending, the ongoing reality of my marriage, putting on a brave face all day …… is a painful, heavy load to carry.

The grieving is beyond hard … so many relationships, so much abuse and trauma, all compounding and intensifying the severity.

I realise this is one reason I don’t intend to get close to anyone anymore. I don’t want to take the risk of ending up grieving that too.

I don’t even know if I can handle the load I have already, indefinitely.

I’ve been grieving since I was a child.

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Craft room tidied, and that’s good.

Anything I achieve these days, I need to feel okay with. My craft room has been a mess for a long time, with me doing very little, as a result.

It is much tidier now, and once my 6 year old is in bed, I’m going to go downstairs and use it.

I intend focussing on simple stuff, not feeling like I have to produce elaborate creations, and hold myself up to those continually high expectations/demands of myself – I have had issues with in my life. The ‘never being good enough’ issues and perfectionism issues.

I intent working on all that and being okay with ‘good enough’.

Now, as well as being able to use it myself, if I want to invite crafty friends over to use it and share it with them, I can.

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Moderate to low’ risk of re-offending – ‘Australia’s worst paedophile’ is going to be released.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/australias-worst-pedophile-geoffrey-robert-dobbs-may-be-paroled/story-fnihsrf2-1227281845201

Wow. He was meant to never be released.

Psychiatrist stated ‘moderate to low risk of re-offending’ and that is considered okay to release him? Well in the legal system’s judgment it is.

He’ll come out, re-offend and more lives will be ruined.

He already made choices to abuse 62 children, more than 100 offences, and they want to risk him doing it again. (And these 62 victims, is just what they know of, there are likely to far more.)

No empathy for his future victims.

So wrong.

Paedophiles can ‘never’ be classified as rehabilitated and they will re-offend, but their ‘rights’ are more important than the victims, past and future. The next victim could end up dead, like Daniel Morcombe. His killer was let out knowing there was still a risk to society.

Glad to see Daniel Morcombe’s parents stepping up and saying how wrong this is. I wonder if Hetty Johnston – Bravehearts Inc. and others will stand up too, and state how truly disgusting this is.

This makes me sick to my stomach.


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Facing my issues of co-dependent and unhealthy relationships, is painful.

I have a lifetime repeating pattern of being in unhealthy relationships, co-dependent relationships with disordered, narcissistic, unhealthy people.

I know why, I know all the psychology about it and how it is all due to the severe abuse within the first 20 years of my life.

I know I have emotional self harming issues and I accept that. I accept I have this need within me, to harm myself, by being around harmful people.

And it is up to me, now I do know the extent of this, to deal with unhealthy relationships.

And I have – I very recently ended one ……. and I am dealing with another as best I can, whilst keeping my children’s interests as a priority and being careful to not worsen my situation, with rash decisions.

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Tidying and organising my craft room, so I can invite my crafty friends around.

I have a craft room with my sewing machine and all my scrapbooking, card making, clay making etc stuff in it.

I would like it more organised and tidier, so I can invite my new friends around, as one has specifically stated she would like to come round. It will be good to have some fun, just doing crafty stuff.

I love to share anything I have and I have a lot of craft stuff to share and having a room specifically for it, is not something everyone has.

So, tidying it up, cleaning and attempting to organise.

It is causing me anxiety and I know why and that’s okay.

But, once it’s done, I will be glad I did it.


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Perfect example of victim blaming by religious people “Catholic Church’s comments about Jill Meagher”

http://www.9news.com.au/national/2015/03/28/08/40/melbourne-priest-apologises-for-debased-comments-about-jill-meagher-to-primary-school-students

Someone needs to tell all these religious ‘abuser enablers’ to SHUT UP.

It is unbelievable to me, how many of them victim blame/shame. And how many go along with it, like sheep.

To blame Jill Meagher for what happened to her – being raped and murdered – completely takes away the 100% responsibility of the murderer/rapist’s actions and choices and the responsibility of those let him out of prison on bail, ‘knowing’ he would likely attack again – therefore, failing to protect society.

I totally agree that we need to be careful – but that in NO way means that when a predator attacks someone, that the blame should be given to the victim.

Religious people can be the most fucked up people of all when it comes to abusers, and abuse.

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