Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I probably need counselling, to deal with past counselling.

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I realise I probably need counselling, to deal with the crap that went on within my former counselling. The religious agenda’s, the abuse/abuser condoning, the very inappropriate views projected on to me – like hearing abusive relationships being ‘adequate’, the comparing with friends who enable abusers, the patronising and now the outright lies to cover herself.

I have huge issues with trust already, I’ve been lied to all my life. To hear more lies from someone I am supposed to be able to trust, is all very damaging to me, and yet my former counsellor won’t give a crap about that.

It is interesting that she stated once, she believes I am an ‘expert’ in working out people…….. but not ‘her’ of course. She’s special.

She also once told me that when the shit hits the fan in life – she believes ‘everyone’ looks out for their own interests and will let others down. Which I actually disagree with, but it is interesting she said that, because it shows she knows ‘she’ will. And she’s proved that.

The damage caused by an unhealthy therapeutic relationship – to a complex trauma survivor – is massive.

I no doubt need counselling to get through all these ‘messages’ I heard that are not okay.

I no doubt need to try to build up a ‘trustworthy’ therapeutic relationship with someone else, as this is a vital part of my healing.

But, right now, I am so devastated and so hurt, that I can’t even think about.

I am numb about this, because I am too scared to feel my emotions about it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

One thought on “I probably need counselling, to deal with past counselling.”

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  1. luverley
    March 30, 2015 at 11:24 am

    I’m sorry this is what has happened. It’s not right. Is total bullshit for her to do that. I know the abandonment and trust thing will be huge for you right now and I’m sorry you have to go through this.
    I’m thinking of you and hoping that you will find somebody soon. You need somebody to trust to talk to. It’s so hard keeping it all inside. I know because i do it to. It’s unhealthy but how are meant to trust when everybody has shat on us in our lives. X