I’m aware I am very depressed and struggling, as I don’t even have any joy from e.g. my gardens at the moment. And I did. I was really getting into it. Now I’m just numb about it.
I’m aware I am on autopilot most of the time. I know this is mild dissociation, overwhelmed due to recent issues, which have added to all I have to deal with. It feels beyond reasonable to endure and my life long friend ‘dissociation’ always helps out, so I don’t have to feel intense emotions and fear continually. I see the positives of mild dissociation, rather than all the negatives.
Who wants to feel intense emotions 24/7? I don’t.
But, I must have a bit of fight in me, because in the last few weeks, I am still out every day watering. I have planted a new area in my front yard, which will be lovely as it matures. Plus, I’ve prettied up my little front deck, with some old chairs, some pots and flowers etc. It’s looks nice.
My son is delighted his tomato plants are now all flowering and growing so well and that’s good.