Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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Back, neck and shoulder muscle pain is so bad, I am booking a massage.

I’ve suffered with muscle pain for as long as I can remember and it became a lot worse over the last 3-4 years, since all the PTSD worsened and having so much trauma and emotional pain to deal with.

I’m aware my muscle pain is ‘muscle armouring’ – a form of trauma induced body hypervigilance and fibromyalgia and I have all the pressure points as points of considerable pain, related to FMS.

Whenever I have an increase in even more anxiety and stress, the muscle pain increases. I am dealing with too much stress, anxiety, depression etc at the moment. And my body is letting me know this.

It is at the level now where even doing some yoga is too painful. Every morning I am so stiff and walk/hobble  around like an old woman. The pain is continual, worsening and adding to all the other crap I am dealing with.

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Religious people can be ‘stunningly offensive’ and they often really don’t care.


The news and social media is awash with many disgusted by this priests ‘stunningly offensive’ victim blaming comments about Jill Meagher.

And even though he has apologised – I know this apology is likely to be only forced – due to the public backlash against him and to protect the Catholic Church’s image.

I know for a fact that victim blaming occurs with many religious people.

I’ve been subjected to it in ‘Christian’ counselling.

Victim blaming is a common viewpoint in religious people and it is not just the Catholic church. The church overall has a huge history of protecting and enabling paedophiles, condoning domestic violence in marriages, physical and sexual child abuse, condoning masses of spiritual abuse….. plus these views of how a woman raped and murdered by a predator, is ‘her own fault’ …… are all very common issues.

When you challenge religious people, they often truly don’t care and stand by their abusive views 100% – as they can be the worst for disordered, dysfunctional and abusive views.

Victim blaming is widespread and increasing and no-where is that more present than within religious people.

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Glad to give my views about Jill Meagher and the disgusting victim blaming comments by a priest.

Glad to be able comment online about the disgusting victim blaming comments an Australian priest made about Jill Meagher’s rape and murder.

Glad to see my comment on a well known news website, has by far the most likes, and not simply because I want the ‘most’ likes – but so a healthy view by a Christian can be given, to show that not all Christians are abusive, victim blaming, abuser enablers – like too many religious people choose to be.

I realise all I can ever do is state my views, model what I believe and know is right, and hope it resonates with someone.

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Always fighting the lifelong battle about being alone.

I have a love/hate relationship with being alone. I love being alone and I need it. The introvert, wise old soul part of me, that needs space and solitude. I also at times, feel desperately lonely.

Due to my past – I’ve only ever known unhealthy relationships, with unhealthy, self serving, shallow people.

I’ve completely given up on human interaction of the depth, integrity and honesty I need. I accept that due to all I have already endured, all I have learned as a result, I need non shallow, non superficial relationships, with depth, honesty, trust and that has never existed in my life.

I will spend the rest of my life alone – even if surrounded by people – and I know that. I face a life of having to be what other people want from me, but not having my needs met.

This reminds me of things my first counsellor (who I really miss) said to me… “you are someone who can always give far more to others, than people can give back to you”. And she said other things to me like how I had “completely outgrown the church I used to attend”. And how my “spiritual/faith progression was way past most”. I see how this also relates to emotional needs progression too. I realise she was saying that I have outgrown most people.

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