I am barely coping each day and mostly only through numbing out all the intense emotions about my marriage, about my ex counsellor… this being on top of all the trauma from my past I have not yet dealt with fully.
I am aware I need to find a counsellor and fairly quickly, because I am aware I may not be able to keep going like I am now, indefinitely.
The thought of even attempting to build up any trust in other counsellor, after all the crap from the last one, puts fear into me. I know I am avoiding dealing with the reality of what was happening in counselling.
I don’t want to talk about my past and everything in it. I don’t want to talk about everything that has happened in the last 3 years.
I don’t want to talk about any of it. But, I know I am going to have to.
I hate my life, and every part of it, except my children.
If I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t be here anymore.