Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Bizarre hour of my life, not what I was expecting at a massage.

Booked a special deal via facebook, for a massage with body treatments. It is based at someone’s house, and that’s okay as my last massage lady worked from home too.

When I got there, it was a home on acreage in the middle of no-where, where they keep horses and chickens etc. The fact that is was isolated, was something that concerned me a bit.

The woman who answered the door seemed very friendly and chatty and explained that her and her partner would be providing the treatments, so I immediately assumed this meant a man, which made me wonder what he would be doing….. But, in walked another woman, and the partner was female. So I realised I was having two lesbians massaging me. That’s okay, I’m totally okay with people being gay, bi-sexual etc…… But, being massaged by two lesbians, is new for me.

The first treatments were face and hand treatments, so I lay on the massage table fully clothed for that. All okay.

When it came to the body treatments I was asked to take off my dress and lie face down. I paused waiting for them to leave the room while I took off my dress….. and they didn’t! I had to take it off in front of them, no screen etc.

This was pretty awkward for me, as I am used to my previous massage lady leaving the room while I undressed and got dressed. So, I took off my dress, and to my great embarrassment, was stood there for a few seconds with nothing on but my undies and then given a towel to put over me as I lay facedown on the table.

I lay there telling myself I was being ridiculous and there is noting to be embarrassed about, we’re all women……. but it did feel weird. And I do realise that just because they are lesbians, shouldn’t mean anything weird at all.

Then the massaging began and it was nice, they were really good and I’ve never had anyone massage me – two people at a time. They were both fairly gentle which was nice, because my body can’t handle the hard massaging most offer. The pain is too great to endure the deep tissue types of massage. I need the more gentle, relaxation type massaging.

At the end of the hour, when it was time to get dressed, again they didn’t leave the room. So I felt that weirdness of standing there in just my underwear, no bra, trying to get my dress on….. quickly.

Should I feel weird about this, no I realise I shouldn’t.

I realise, the feeling weird part, is ‘my’ issues.

Forgetting ‘my issues’ – it was really nice. They asked me if I wanted to re-book and I said I would check my diary.

Will I go back, I’ve not decided yet.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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