I am someone who deals with reality. I don’t do the ‘rationalising’ and ‘putting a good spin’ on abuse and trauma. That is for people who need to do that, because they are unable, or unwilling, to deal with the reality.
The reality of my childhood, and the first 20 years of my life, is that people intentionally planned and continually, daily, abused me. There is no ‘good spin’ about that – not when you are honest and deal with truth. And it is very known in psychology/trauma field that complex trauma in childhood, is significantly more damaging than in adulthood. And I have had both, so I am in a position to know the difference.
Abuse is evil. Planned intentional abuse, is evil. Setting your own child up to be sexually abused by paedophiles, abusing your own child on a daily basis, is evil at work. Silencing your child, is evil. Providing no support, no care, no love, is evil.
I cannot rationalise that as okay. It wasn’t okay. In any way. At all.
It wasn’t a ‘blessing in disguise’. It was not God ‘wanting me to learn’ and ‘bringing me to this pain/suffering.’ To say God was involved, is abuse and very wrong.
I don’t do rationalising.
That’s cognitive distortion.
My mother and step father were mentally ill. Very sociopathic and narcissist. But, they were not insane. They knew what they were doing, they made choices to do it. They wanted me silenced and used every abusive tactic to keep me silent, keep me believing I should tolerate it, accept it and never stand up for myself and that I deserved it.
I have endured considerable abuse. My first counsellor, called me a ‘walking miracle’.
I know not all abuse and trauma is equal, and I know mine is not the worst, but it’s of the severity, and multiple abusers, every kind of abuse ….. to have very severe, life long affects.
I accept this, not because I am weak,
but because I am strong enough
to deal with reality.