Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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You never ‘get over’ severe, prolonged child abuse, by caregivers.

I am someone who deals with reality. I don’t do the ‘rationalising’ and ‘putting a good spin’ on abuse and trauma. That is for people who need to do that, because they are unable, or unwilling, to deal with the reality.

The reality of my childhood, and the first 20 years of my life, is that people intentionally planned and continually, daily, abused me. There is no ‘good spin’ about that – not when you are honest and deal with truth. And it is very known in psychology/trauma field that complex trauma in childhood, is significantly more damaging than in adulthood. And I have had both, so I am in a position to know the difference.

Abuse is evil. Planned intentional abuse, is evil. Setting your own child up to be sexually abused by paedophiles, abusing your own child on a daily basis, is evil at work. Silencing your child, is evil. Providing no support, no care, no love, is evil.

I cannot rationalise that as okay. It wasn’t okay. In any way. At all.

It wasn’t a ‘blessing in disguise’. It was not God ‘wanting me to learn’ and ‘bringing me to this pain/suffering.’ To say God was involved, is abuse and very wrong.

I don’t do rationalising.

That’s cognitive distortion.

My mother and step father were mentally ill. Very sociopathic and narcissist. But, they were not insane. They knew what they were doing, they made choices to do it. They wanted me silenced and used every abusive tactic to keep me silent, keep me believing I should tolerate it, accept it and never stand up for myself and that I deserved it.

I have endured considerable abuse. My first counsellor, called me a ‘walking miracle’.

I know not all abuse and trauma is equal, and I know mine is not the worst, but it’s of the severity, and multiple abusers, every kind of abuse ….. to have very severe, life long affects.

I accept this, not because I am weak,

but because I am strong enough

to deal with reality.

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Heartbreaking to read about the suffering of another complex trauma survivor.

Since being on Twitter, I have had the honour of being in contact with an incredibly intelligent, gifted and empathic man, who suffered so greatly as a child – at the hands of his own family. He has several diagnoses as a result – Schizoaffective Disorder, PTSD, PD (NOS) and Tourette’s.

He is a successful author, artist – amongst many talents – and is well known for his mental health advocacy work and has a huge following,

He suffered considerably as a child. His family are very rich and very well known in US. They are invested (own) in one of the most prestigious universities in US and have a huge business conglomerate. They are powerful people. They wanted the abuse kept silenced, and did all they could to ensure that. And this survivor – locked in by legalities – lives far away from his family, who claim he is lying about the abuse. But they own where he lives and even have control over his professional support. Money is power and power can be abused to harm people, control people.

This survivor, as well as surviving all the child abuse, alcohol and drug rehab, many hospitalisations, numerous suicide attempts, and several mental health disorders, also has survived cancer twice.

Now the cancer has returned and he has stated he is not seeking treatment. He wishes to die. A ‘legal suicide’ he views it as, and due to how unwell he has been, this is his decision.

It breaks my heart. Tears as I write this.

I want to get on a plane and go and see him. Sit with him and talk with him. Tell him – to me and many – his life is worth living. He is so gifted and talented and the world is a better place for him being in it.

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“The effects of childhood sexual and physical abuse lasts a lifetime” – Scott Mendelson MD – Huffington Post.

Good article on how childhood abuse causes lasting, often lifelong damage. I know my capacity to deal with stress, is damaged. And I accept this, and it helps to know others who are the experts in childhood trauma, are increasingly understanding the lifelong effects of complex trauma.


The effects of childhood sexual and physical abuse last a lifetime. Abused children may grow up to be adults prone to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and other psychiatric disorders. They are more prone to suicide. However, in recent years we have learned that abuse does more than wound self-esteem and break the spirit. It can damage the very substance of the brain and how it functions.

A major way by which childhood abuse can disrupt normal brain activity is by diminishing its capacity to handle stress. Stress is more than the worry and distress we experience when the circumstances of life push us beyond our limits. The body’s response to stress is a complex biological mechanism. When the brain senses that the body is being taxed beyond its usual capacity, it initiates the stress response by releasing a substance called corticotrophin releasing hormone, or CRH. CRH stimulates the pituitary gland to release ACTH that, in turn, triggers the release of the stress hormone, cortisol, from the adrenal glands. Cortisol marshals the body’s resources to provide the extra energy and endurance to meet the demands being placed upon it. Once, this might have been escaping an angry mastodon. Today, it would more likely be getting used to a new job, a nasty divorce, or recovering from surgery.

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It’s Good Friday & social media is awash with God hating words. And I know I need to ignore it.

I can’t look at it anymore today. So many people have such hatred for God, and yet that anger needs to be directed at humans, not God.

I’ve never blamed God for all the harm caused to me. I did go through a stage of deep hurt that He didn’t intervene and stop what happened to me as a child. I felt like this was like the ultimate betrayal, of Him just watching and doing nothing. That was before I understood free will and how He doesn’t want a single second of hurt and harm to be caused by his creations, to each other.

It is ‘people’ who cause harm and suffering to each other. Not God.

And Jesus died on the cross, to stand up against all evil…… not to save the select few…… as too many church people want to believe.

Jesus died on the cross, as a cosmological deliverance from evil. The amazing N.T.Wright speaks of this very eloquently.

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