Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The neglect in my own childhood, I don’t repeat in parenting my own children.

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Today, is Easter Sunday and I see what others have as family traditions for Easter and I take notice.

My mother barely provided the absolute basics of parenting. I didn’t learn so much from her. There was serious levels of neglect in so many ways, as well as being combined with severe abuse.

Family traditions, I did not learn. My mother, barely provided any. We had Christmas dinner, Christmas presents, but even that was a chore for her, and our stockings were plastic disposable shopping bags. She could sew, knit – had expensive sewing and knitting machines, yet could never be bothered to make decent stockings for us. As an  adult, I rarely received even a Birthday card, and if I did, it was always late. As a child, we had a few Birthday presents, and an Easter egg at Easter. That’s it. There was virtually no effort provided. Bare basics. Her children, weren’t worth anything more.

I’ve learned in adulthood, the types of family traditions other families have. Like how many families have a nice roast lunch on Easter Sunday, which is great family tradition to have. My husband is working today (cop), so tomorrow as he has a day off, I’m going to start the tradition of an Easter family roast dinner.

I also talk with my children about our faith over Easter and my children know Easter is actually not about the Easter bunny, but we still have Easter eggs and an Easter egg hunt too. My older son, now takes great delight in organising the Easter egg hunt for his little brother and it is so sweet watching him write all the clues and set up the hunt all round the house, as I did for him when he was younger.

I know very little was provided by my mother. She didn’t ever play with her children. She didn’t ever bake and cook with us. She didn’t do craft or gardening. She never read books with us. She didn’t teach us socialising and social skills. There’s so much more. Considerable levels of neglect.

So, I’ve had to learn a lot of this as an adult, from others. I watch people and see what they do. I’m interested in what other families do. Their traditions, what they do with their children etc.

I try really hard to be very different to my mother. I do play with my children, daily. I do craft with them and read with them often. I do cooking and baking and gardening with them. I care about their needs. I care about their happiness. I care about their development. I talk with them about their emotional needs, and skills they need in life to hopefully become well rounded adults.

And I am still figuring out family traditions.

I care about my children and what they learn from me.

Something my mother never gave any thought to, she didn’t give a shit about us.

I am not a perfect mother, by far. But I am nothing like my mother.

I try and I continually make an effort and I care about my children. As mothers do – when they love their children.

And all the BS spouted about how parents ‘can’t help’ abusing and neglecting their children, due to the excuse of ‘generational abuse’, is only for parents who ‘want’ to continue that abuse and neglect. They can help it. They choose not to.

I don’t continue it. Because I am a decent person, who cares about the needs of others and the needs of my children, who I love. And love is caring about the needs of others. And effort.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “The neglect in my own childhood, I don’t repeat in parenting my own children.

  1. This is absolutely heartbreaking but again such a testament to your character. You should be very proud. Your children are very fortunate. Happy Easter 🙂