There is a really big demand within church people and within secular society, to not ‘judge’ anyone. And those who do ‘judge’ abusers, are deemed to be wrong.
My abusers all intentionally abused me. It was planned, deliberate, repeated abuse. They hid it, lied about it, denied it and tried their best to silence me. They made me suffer considerably.
The term ‘judgment’ gets a bad rap. Especially for church people who use that term for anything negative said about anyone, which is bizarre.
Judging someone, is not saying you are condemning them. It does not imply you are wanting bad to happen to them. It does not imply you want them to suffer back. It does not imply you are hating them.
It is simply saying ‘what you did was wrong, the acts of abuse you made decisions and choices to commit – are evil. I did not deserve them and you harmed me greatly. You chose to make me suffer and you didn’t care. You showed no remorse, no empathy and you enjoyed it. And that is disgusting. I don’t have to like you, or want you in my life, or make excuses for you, or minimize what you did.’
There is nothing wrong with this.
I can absolutely judge what someone did. And who they are as a person. And this is okay and I will not be shamed by those who decide ‘I’ am the bad person, for recognising the abuse was intentional, I suffered greatly and what was done to me, was evil, and has affected my entire life, caused me PTSD, horrific nightmares, and many other life impacting suffering, that I do not deserve to have to suffer.
And whilst I say all this…. I also do not, and never have, wished or wanted anything bad in return. Wise and necessary action, like prison etc. I don’t want abusers hurt, or to suffer back, and in fact I want them to heal and become better people. While knowing this is very unlikely and it is not down to me, to have to be involved in their healing, or their life. I need boundaries, to protect myself – which is wise and self care.
I am allowed to feel great anger, hurt, betrayal, pain, grieving, sadness, depression etc and not have this invalidated, minimized, or receive any further trauma due to other people’s uneducated, un-empathic, hurtful views on my journey.
I have every right to ‘rightfully’ and appropriately judge what was done to me and the heart and soul of the person who caused it.
And anyone who claims differently, needs to wind their neck in and realise – they are causing further hurt, further trauma, further suffering.
I have a right to judge abuse and what was done that made me suffer and has affected my entire life and those who made decisions and choices to harm me.
Because it was deliberate, planned and they enjoyed it.