Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I am a Christian & I do have every right to judge those who intentionally abused me & enjoyed it.

7 Comments

There is a really big demand within church people and within secular society, to not ‘judge’ anyone. And those who do ‘judge’ abusers, are deemed to be wrong.

My abusers all intentionally abused me. It was planned, deliberate, repeated abuse. They hid it, lied about it, denied it and tried their best to silence me. They made me suffer considerably.

The term ‘judgment’ gets a bad rap. Especially for church people who use that term for anything negative said about anyone, which is bizarre.

Judging someone, is not saying you are condemning them. It does not imply you are wanting bad to happen to them. It does not imply you want them to suffer back. It does not imply you are hating them.

It is simply saying ‘what you did was wrong, the acts of abuse you made decisions and choices to commit – are evil. I did not deserve them and you harmed me greatly. You chose to make me suffer and you didn’t care. You showed no remorse, no empathy and you enjoyed it. And that is disgusting. I don’t have to like you, or want you in my life, or make excuses for you, or minimize what you did.’

There is nothing wrong with this.

I can absolutely judge what someone did. And who they are as a person. And this is okay and I will not be shamed by those who decide ‘I’ am the bad person, for recognising the abuse was intentional, I suffered greatly and what was done to me, was evil, and has affected my entire life, caused me PTSD, horrific nightmares, and many other life impacting suffering, that I do not deserve to have to suffer.

And whilst I say all this…. I also do not, and never have, wished or wanted anything bad in return. Wise and necessary action, like prison etc. I don’t want abusers hurt, or to suffer back, and in fact I want them to heal and become better people. While knowing this is very unlikely and it is not down to me, to have to be involved in their healing, or their life. I need boundaries, to protect myself – which is wise and self care.

I am allowed to feel great anger, hurt, betrayal, pain, grieving, sadness, depression etc and not have this invalidated, minimized, or receive any further trauma due to other people’s uneducated, un-empathic, hurtful views on my journey.

I have every right to ‘rightfully’ and appropriately judge what was done to me and the heart and soul of the person who caused it.

And anyone who claims differently, needs to wind their neck in and realise – they are causing further hurt, further trauma, further suffering.

I have a right to judge abuse and what was done that made me suffer and has affected my entire life and those who made decisions and choices to harm me.

Because it was deliberate, planned and they enjoyed it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “I am a Christian & I do have every right to judge those who intentionally abused me & enjoyed it.

  1. This isn’t about judging or being a Christian.

    This is about intentional criminal acts against a child committed repeatedly for years.

    Child Rape is a crime not a spiritual or religious growth opportunity.

    Child rape is a crime not an opportunity to see who’s the best Christian.

    Show me where Jesus said we should let child rapists run free to abuse children without being held criminally & morally accountable.

    There can be no forgiveness without justice.

    • I agree with you, however, so many church people demand no-one ‘judges’ anyone and many love to apply ‘cheap grace’ to everything. And throw Bible verses at people.

      This really hurts many abuse survivors, and enables perpetrators.

      Many do what they do, to make themselves feel like ‘good Christians’ and they fail miserably in the process.

      I see the suffering this causes and I share my thoughts and this blog – to help raise awareness of this.

      • I am so grateful that you confront this religious abuse & the suffering it causes.

        I really admire your courage.

  2. Agree totally. I wonder if this homogonistic idea that nobody should be judged, everybody should be equal etc, etc comes again from psychopathic roots? Don’t allow anyone to express themselves, don’t let them judge those who do terrible things, force them into a bland, totally conformist life, while those who are evil get to do whatever they like and nobody is allowed to say “look at how dreadfully they are behaving”. I see more and more and more, especially in the media (which is hypnotising the masses into delusional thinking) that behaving badly is acceptable. Because sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists hate anyone telling them their behaviour is unacceptable. Do they judge people? Absolutely. Into three groups – those who will support their behaviour because they understand it (they have the same afflictions), those who can be manipulated into accepting the bad behaviour and those who will try to hold them accountable. The latter they hate and will attack at any opportunity as it threatens their very existance. What I wish most for my abusers is that they can one day become whole. That they feel love, happiness and joy. And that more importantly they can feel shame and guilt.

    • I think there is a lot of truth in your thoughts here. It is very pathological, disordered behaviours to demand survivors cannot judge abuse and abusers and make them feel worse, for what is actually needed and rightful to do.

      And yet they hypocritically then criticise (judge) abuse survivors, for not applying the ‘cheap grace’ and ‘cheap forgiveness’ – they demand, in the timescale they deem themselves to think they know, and act like God. And traumatise abuse survivors all the more.

      Such a lack of empathy, conscience, remorse, guilt (all on that sociopath/psychopath/narcissism continuum) and lack all understanding of what is wise.

      Harming abuse survivors, repeatedly, re-traumatising them.

      I also agree with you about society becoming more and more accepting of harmful, disordered behaviours and abuse. It’s everywhere.

      • I agree that society is increasingly accepting horrific behaviors under the guise that everyone deserves a second chance and if the person does an “apology tour” on TV they’re awarded a free pass.

        It takes a great deal of courage & perseverance to seek justice and it seems society is taking the lazy way out this way.

  3. Reblogged this on Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD and commented:

    For those who claim we can ‘never judge’, that is incorrect and we do indeed have the right to judge people who intentionally and consciously abused us and caused us much suffering.
    Just/Right judgment, is necessary. And the Bible confirms this.