I know I’m supposed to have hope. I know I am supposed to have this belief that it will get better. But, I don’t.
I’ve given up expecting anything to get better, because it never does. And I have tried. I’ve been doing everything I can – counselling, educating myself, reading everything I can, being honest about myself, my past, my trauma, my emotions, my suffering. I was reaching out to others, but my passion for that is fading, along with my hope.
I can see me closing down the remaining social media, website etc. Reaching out to others, was my passion. But, now I have no passion for anything anymore.
I’ve given up. I can feel that within me.
My life is getting worse, not better. I’m too honest, to not see that and accept that. My life is increasingly painful and I don’t want to live it anymore. I’ve lived too much pain already.
Nothing is going to change the past. I don’t believe anything is going to change this deep and increasing fear I have within me. This intense, increasing and debilitating depression. The pain within.
I am existing. Not living. Or thriving.
I’m only existing, for my children.
When you have no hope, you have nothing.