Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Totally numb all day, but tried my best as a mother.


Tried hard to focus all my attention on my children today. It’s the school holidays. Most of the day was just with my youngest son, as the older one was at a vacation care camp for the day.

I forced myself to get outside and do some gardening with my son. We also lay down on the sun loungers and just chatted together. We did some craft stuff and read some books. All things he loves to do.

Later when we picked up my older son, we went and had some dinner out, which was a school holidays treat for them. Chatted with my older son about the fun activities he did today, which he really enjoyed.

I pretty much got through today totally numb inside …. whilst faking happiness on the outside, for my children.

My youngest son, who is 6 years old, loves writing and wrote these for me today, which is so very sweet. He is such a loving little boy.



Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Totally numb all day, but tried my best as a mother.

  1. Those little notes from your son made my eyes fill up! So sweet. Its hard in the school hols isn’t it, well done you for putting in the effort. And I don’t mean in a patronising way – sometimes i’d like to get a well done myself after a long day with the kids! As mothers we don’t often get that nice feedback xx

    • Yes, it is hard in the school holidays, and I think it’s okay to recognise that. It’s a tough gig being a parent, but dealing with this journey at the same time, makes it much harder.

      To make the effort needed for our children, is something we should accept is an achievement.