My older son has badly sprained his ankle. Not good timing during the school holidays.

Poor kid had a soccer injury incident at camp – where he was booked to attend every day this week. He was in a lot of pain and ended up having to have x-rays. ER doctor said it may be fractured, but they couldn’t see anything. He does have a lot of swelling and that indicates either a fracture, or a serious sprain/injury, which could take weeks to heal.

So he will not be going to camp the rest of the week, and was given crutches to walk around on. He has to rest it, elevate it and have ice on it. If the swelling hasn’t gone down in 4 days, he has to go back to the hospital.

My son is not a kid that can sit down and ‘rest’. He is a very active, social kid, who was labelled by a teacher as potentially ADHD when he was younger. That’s why he wants to be booked into camp during the school holidays, so he’s doing fun activities he loves, and is not bored at home.

I need to learn how to live without love. Without healing, trusting relationships.

I know I don’t have what I need to heal. Complex trauma with significant childhood interpersonal trauma from birth, requires healing within trusting, healthy relationships to heal all the core wounds and damage caused by severe trauma/abuse. I have pretty much accepted I don’t have those relationships and the consequences of not having what I need.

Deal with reality and not denial or false hope.

I have to accept that no matter how terrible this is, and how I did not deserve my life, or all I have suffered and endured, or the situation I am now in ….. that I have to learn to live with it.

Stop wanting what I do know I deserve, but don’t have. Stop craving what I should have, but don’t have. Stop that deep yearning for people to love me and just accept no-one does.

I have no reasons to believe I can trust anyone. But, plenty of reasons to know I can’t.

So many people messaging, asking where my Facebook community page is.

I know my Facebook community page was really helpful and beneficial to so many and I received considerable ongoing feedback continually stating that. And I was always so thankful that anything I posted, or wrote helped people in any way. Knowing other people ‘really ‘ understand, is comforting to people, and my ability to write, in a relatable way, did comfort many.

I also know my capacity to work out how the trauma and PTSD affects us in deeper ways, really helped people to understand themselves and what happened to them, in ways they had never previously realised.

I wish I was in a place where I could handle the trolls and nasty people who choose to vent their issues upon anyone who writes something they don’t like.

But, I’m not in that place.