Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I accept I will never be ‘good enough’ for many.

not good enough

I accept that my life has created considerable suffering, pain, and all the emotions that go with that. I accept I will be dealing with complex trauma and all the profound consequences, all my life. I accept I don’t have what is needed to heal all the severe childhood complex trauma – as I don’t have healing, safe, trustworthy, caring relationships. I accept I suffer the many consequences of severe childhood complex trauma; depression, deep grieving, life impacting fear.

I also accept as a result of this, I will never be ‘good enough’ for many. By their standards, for their needs.

I am not positive ‘enough’.

I am not healed ‘enough’.

I am not hopeful ‘enough’.

I am not most people’s version of a ‘strong warrior survivor’ – I don’t meet this criterion ‘enough’.

I don’t talk about life as all good, all amazing, all wonderful ‘enough’.

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The Royal Commission continues to expose the depravity of many so called ‘Christians’.

http://www.9news.com.au/national/2015/04/14/15/24/victims-recall-gutwrenching-trauma-at-queensland-royal-commission-into-child-sex-abuse

I mostly stay away from the Royal Commission – purely because it upsets me so greatly. But, I am so thankful for this commission, because it is giving many survivors of institutional child abuse, the opportunity for the truth to be exposed and dealt with.

Much of what comes from the RC, is about abuse by ‘Christians’. Throughout all the denominations. Far too many Church people – seem to love child abuse and condone and encourage it. And they justify it by twisting Bible verses and acting like God is a sociopath/psychopath who wants people, including children, to suffer. And they love victim blaming/shaming too.

Christianity is rife with abuse….. child abuse, domestic violence, spiritual abuse. And anyone who chooses to believe otherwise, is swallowing lies and choosing denial. It’s ‘nice’ there, in denial.

Many Church people are groomed for abuse from a young age. And sadly, far too many enjoy it, avoid it, ignore it, condone it, justify it, rationalise it.

You can tell how many of them don’t want to deal with how rampant abuse is within so many churches, because they criticise the Royal Commission, demanding it as being ‘terrible’ and unnecessary, and then shame victims for ‘daring’ to speak up.

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I unsubscribed from receiving the newsletter sent by the counselling centre I attend.

The latest newsletter from my counselling centre was about stress, and what to do about it.

‘Avoid people who think negatively about life and share those views’…. was one. And it went on about positive thinking, positive people etc.

I realise I am one of those people basically being told to be ignored and avoided. I don’t think positively all the time, in fact I deal with the reality of my life, which is negative, is painful, is not positive.

I don’t need to be ‘shamed’ for this.

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Lies, are always easier to swallow, than the truth.

I see lies about abuse occurring continually. Minimizing, rationalising, justifying, ignoring, avoiding, excusing, victim blaming/shaming, ‘rose coloured glasses’ wearing, living in ‘positive illusions’….. and many other cognitive distortions and disordered thinking, used to make abuse seem ‘not that bad.’

And cognitive distortions are lies, far easier to swallow than the truth.

Many people don’t want to accept the reality that people can do really evil things to others. Like child abuse. Child sexual abuse. Rape. Many other forms of abuse. It’s evil. And people choose that evil, intentionally.

To deal with the hard reality,

is too difficult for many people.

So choosing a range of

cognitive distortions (lies) about it,

makes it easier to deal with.

I’ve seen it in many peoples attitudes, including in counselling. To be told that abusive relationships can be made ‘adequate’ is a clear example of minimizing abuse and deluding self that abuse is ‘not that bad’. It keeps life easy when you minimize abuse.

It’s why society and many people, want abuse survivors to just ‘get over it’ and all those re-traumatising and un-empathic phrases. Not for the survivors benefit at all. It’s for their own.

How they see it …. Continue reading