I see lies about abuse occurring continually. Minimizing, rationalising, justifying, ignoring, avoiding, excusing, victim blaming/shaming, ‘rose coloured glasses’ wearing, living in ‘positive illusions’….. and many other cognitive distortions and disordered thinking, used to make abuse seem ‘not that bad.’
And cognitive distortions are lies, far easier to swallow than the truth.
Many people don’t want to accept the reality that people can do really evil things to others. Like child abuse. Child sexual abuse. Rape. Many other forms of abuse. It’s evil. And people choose that evil, intentionally.
To deal with the hard reality,
is too difficult for many people.
So choosing a range of
cognitive distortions (lies) about it,
makes it easier to deal with.
I’ve seen it in many peoples attitudes, including in counselling. To be told that abusive relationships can be made ‘adequate’ is a clear example of minimizing abuse and deluding self that abuse is ‘not that bad’. It keeps life easy when you minimize abuse.
It’s why society and many people, want abuse survivors to just ‘get over it’ and all those re-traumatising and un-empathic phrases. Not for the survivors benefit at all. It’s for their own.
How they see it ….
If the survivor of the severe abuse
would just ‘get over it’…
then abuse is ‘not that bad’.
Wrong. That is a lie.
It’s why society demands abuse survivors have to be ‘positive’ and ‘hopeful’ and delusional all the time. Or they victim blame/shame. Force forgiveness. And ‘get over it’, ‘move on from it’ etc quickly. Anything else, is not ‘good enough’. Because it affects those who want to view abuse as ‘not that bad.’
And if survivors don’t comply with these selfish needs, that are actually nothing to do with the survivors needs, they are shamed. ‘Compared’ to others who are supposedly doing it better. Made to feel weak and worthless.
Society doesn’t want people to deal fully with their needed emotions. Society wants suppression, avoidance and this continual striving for only positive thinking and the single minded pursuit of happiness.
Many don’t want to deal with the reality that many people deliberately and intentionally harm others and enjoy it. And the reality that they actually often have no remorse, no conscience, no empathy, no guilt. Although some can pretend to and that is often believed by those who don’t want to face reality and the fact that they are being lied to and manipulated.
Mostly people actually don’t want the
truth, honesty, reality.
They just want lies, to keep them
comfortable, keep their lives easy.
So they minimize, rationalise, justify, excuse, victim shame and many other cognitive distortions. Lies.
And absolutely none of this, is for the survivors wellbeing at all.
Lies, are always easier to swallow, than the truth.