Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


A flicker of hope? Just as I had completely given up….


I am scared to have hope. Scared to think something will be good, in case it’s not. Sacred to be disappointed. Scared to get hurt. Bottom line …….. fear. Of people.

But, I do have a flicker of hope.

This being due to the community volunteering I am going to be involved in every Wednesday and Thursday, which I feel very thankful to be able to be a part of. Community volunteering is something I have wanted to do for a long time, and now suddenly – I am going to be doing it. I’ve known since I was 20, that community and volunteering work is needed as a way of giving to others, reaching out to others, showing compassion – which is a verb.

And also I have some hope, due to the possibility of joining a community of Christians who follow a different model of following Jesus, whilst enjoying being in community and fellowship with each other. A model far more suited to me and where I am at.

I know I need to move into this slowly, steadily and carefully and not expect too much. Whilst, also keeping an open mind and heart.

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Interesting video about how many people, actually ‘need’ a different way to walk with other Christians.


I appreciate there are Christians who understand that the usual model of ‘Church’ – is not actually what many need and why and are providing a different model that suits the varying needs of many.

Many will be those who see past the usual church model, are not at ‘stage 3’ in their faith. Your average model of church suits stage 3 people – blindly following, no questions allowed, rules needy, ‘parent’ model of church where you are expected to follow along like a sheep, believe everything you are told and not question and ‘fit in’. And anything ‘different’ to that, is not ‘acceptable’.


Officially community volunteering & a very interesting conversation with a community chaplain.

Went along to check out the community project I found that helps provide food and other needs, to those in need.

It went really well. A nice bunch of people, diverse in characters, and they were very friendly, very welcoming. Got involved in a few conversations and said I would like to join in volunteering with them, as serving within the community in something I know I want to do. So agreed to help every Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday at the church packing and sorting through the food and items, into boxes and then as I have a large car, I can help transport the boxes to the community hall on the Thursday, and help with the people coming in for them.volunteering

While there, a community chaplain rocked up in his shirt with the Churches of Christ logo. He introduced himself and said he thought he knew me from somewhere. He was such a friendly guy. We had a conversation about schools, and he let me know his son used to attend the same school my older son attends. His son has aspergers and due to several reasons, including bullying, they pulled him out of the school and are now home schooling. He talked about his son’s mental health and how he was suicidal at one point. He was very open.

The conversation progressed and I asked him if he attended the local Churches of Christ that supports this community project. He said he used to be a pastor there, but now runs a small community of Christians, not as a church – in the normal sense of a church – but as a group who meet up and talk. He still supports the church and left on good terms, but stated there was ‘story’ there. And now he works as a community chaplain, working with that church.

The conversation went on to speaking about churches. I explained I was pretty nervous of church people due to bad experience at a Baptist church and he stated how he is aware of many who are hurt by your average church people.

As he showed me his facebook page for his community, I noticed a post about James Fowler’s Stages of Faith and I said to him that reading about that was a huge eye opener for me, and how I had struggled so badly with ‘stage 3’ church people and been hurt by them. I explained I have been identified by a Christian counsellor that I am at stage 4 -5. He seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying.

He talked about how the community he runs, there are no demands on people, no demands on children’s behaviours and several attend who have children with aspergers and autism. How they don’t ask for money, or  collect tithes and gave his views on how ‘money focused’ churches are and how this is not okay. He even explained with the use of some cups and a pot of salt how he views being a Christian as a stage 4, 5 person, as opposed to a stage 3 person.

Quite frankly I could not quite believe I was having this conversation!

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Checking out a local community project, with a view to maybe volunteering.

Within walking distance of my home, is a hall that is hired out for martial arts, Zumba etc.

I’ve just noticed it also has a community project providing food for those in need. They have boxes of food and other items, with volunteers all helping to organise, sort and arrange/fill the boxes. I am really thankful to these community projects, as they provide compassion for those in need.

I can see from their photos they are connected to a church and it appears to be Churches of Christ. I have no idea whether they are a decent church denomination and what they stand for, but I am thankful when churches provide community services. Actually ‘doing’ what Christians are meant to be doing. Caring and providing compassion for others, particularly those in need. And I noticed from their website, they provide a considerable amount of community initiatives and projects.

It makes me very nervous when anything is connected to church people.

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