Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

A flicker of hope? Just as I had completely given up….



I am scared to have hope. Scared to think something will be good, in case it’s not. Sacred to be disappointed. Scared to get hurt. Bottom line …….. fear. Of people.

But, I do have a flicker of hope.

This being due to the community volunteering I am going to be involved in every Wednesday and Thursday, which I feel very thankful to be able to be a part of. Community volunteering is something I have wanted to do for a long time, and now suddenly – I am going to be doing it. I’ve known since I was 20, that community and volunteering work is needed as a way of giving to others, reaching out to others, showing compassion – which is a verb.

And also I have some hope, due to the possibility of joining a community of Christians who follow a different model of following Jesus, whilst enjoying being in community and fellowship with each other. A model far more suited to me and where I am at.

I know I need to move into this slowly, steadily and carefully and not expect too much. Whilst, also keeping an open mind and heart.

I also realise, this is going to really test my capacity to be around a diverse group of people, who will all have different views, thoughts and beliefs. And be okay with that.

I actually feel the fear in me as I write all this.

Fear….. my constant companion.

But, despite that fear I know is there within me, that apprehension and reluctance….. I still have some hope. And I have not had any hope about anything, for a while.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “A flicker of hope? Just as I had completely given up….

  1. Cool I hope this is good for you. I signed up a few months back to be a mentor to a child on a project at school. I meet them in a couple of weeks. We hang out on a Monday at lunch time and come up with a project. Do that once a week for 5 weeks. Not long really. I was thinking of doing meals on wheels again. That’s nice to. Have fun. Take care and breathe. You are a wonderful person. X

    • You have such a good heart my friend, and volunteering as a school mentor is a wonderful way to help others.

      Meals on wheels is another much needed and wonderful volunteering opportunity.

      Don’t forget how much you already have atm, with being a mum to twins and your uni work, plus all we deal with every day ❤

      Yes, you are right, I need to breathe and I know I need to not stress too much and just go with it and see what happens.

  2. So happy to hear you have a flicker of hope! 🙂 I hope that this turns out to be a great experience for you.