Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Fear…. my ever faithful companion.



I accept my brain is wired for fear. I’ve accepted this has been my ‘normal’ all my life and this fear has intensified and compounded through every trauma, every abuse, every hurt and harm caused to me. I feel deeply sad that I have known fear and anxiety since I can ever remember and probably before that.

Yesterday was a bizarre day. It was a good day and surprising things happened, that gave me hope yesterday.

Today, all I feel is anxiety, fear and apprehension about it. This is how much fear is within me. Fear of people.

There’s a part of me saying “What the hell are you doing? Have you not been hurt enough by people? Do you not ever learn? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Just stay the hell away from people!

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Fear…. my ever faithful companion.

  1. Yes I know that feeling. But if we don’t feel the fear and do it anyway our abusers win. We can not let them win over our whole life. You don’t deserve that.
    And there will be at least one nice person you meet. They are out there we just have to find them. X I know being hurt sux I’m not taking that away. X

    • Yes, I am going to fight that fear and rock up on Wednesday. Focus on why I am doing the volunteering, rather than focussing on the volunteers. It’s the only way I can get past the anxiety and fear stuff.

      I’m sure there will be some nice people and I know I have to take my time in being around a new group of people.