It’s become pretty clear to me that 99% of opinions, are simply that… opinions.
And…… What doesn’t often accompany those opinions, are wisdom, or insight. Or unselfish motivations. And when about abuse and abusers, often contain a range of cognitive distortions that enable people to cope with their life, they way they find easiest. I also know these opinions are mostly nothing to do with me, my needs.
I shared my thoughts on this today with my counsellor, including her within this. How she chooses to view abuse and abusers, is how ‘she’ needs to cope and do her job and how she wants to view herself. And is nothing to do with me.
I won’t tolerate people telling me how to feel and think any longer. I accept where people are at, but that does not give them the right to tell me I need to think the same. Especially when I know they are choosing cognitive distortions to help them cope. I get it, I’ve been there. I lived in denial, minimization, justifying, shifting blame to myself, rationalising. It was how I used to cope.
Now I choose to deal with the reality of my life in a far more real and honest way, and that causes deeper levels of pain and suffering. But, it does not make me wrong. It makes me someone who is dealing with my life in a deeper way.
I don’t tell other how they should think or feel and I accept where people are at. But, other people do not get to tell me how to think or feel, or be abusive.
And I made it clear, that unless someone has walked my life and felt every minute of the decades of abuse I have endured, then they have no opinion, because they were not there. They did not see or feel what I endured. They did not see those abusers in action. So their opinion, is worthless. And is nothing more than assumptions.
I also do not need to tolerate people who choose to project their opinion onto me, or tell me I am wrong to feel how I feel. Or invalidate my insight and knowledge from my experiences, they were not part of.
I explained I will no longer tolerate other people’s issues, I am not a doormat and my healing is a priority and I do not need to feel responsible for other people’s issues, or explain myself to people. I have boundaries and I will insist on them. Particularly on the internet, where is really needed to have good boundaries.
I am not responsible for other people’s poor behaviours, unhealthy views, and entitlement to vent that onto me. And I can and will remove those people from my life.
I am a doormat for disordered, dysfunctional people, no more.
I spoke about all of this in an appropriate way, I didn’t feel defensive, or annoyed, I just shared my thoughts and made it clear where I am at.
It went well. Everything was validated and agreed to be healthy, appropriate and my gaining inner security and awareness of my needs.
I am glad I was able to share this, in a way that laid the foundations for my future. Including in counselling.