Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Developing who I am – due to having a ‘no pre trauma’ me ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


A post to my page that is resonating with others.

For many of us that were abused in childhood onwards, we don’t have a ‘pre-trauma’ us.

We’ve endured trauma and the consequences of it, since we can remember.

This is very different to having a ‘good enough childhood’ and then experiencing trauma later on, or as an adult and has many different challenges.

This leaves a survivor with a sense of not knowing who they really are and we have to create that person as part of healing.

I am continually developing my sense of self, my virtues, my values, my self needs, my identity, my self worth and my self esteem.

It is a process, but I see healing complex trauma as transforming self into the person we can be and not the person the abusers treated us as.

For a long time, I was who everyone else wanted me to be and was lost within that.

Now, I am developing me, and I am aware this is an ongoing journey as it is for us all.

I am sharing this as I know for many, having a ‘no pre-trauma’ identity, is very hard and challenging and I understand this fully.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

10 thoughts on “Developing who I am – due to having a ‘no pre trauma’ me ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

  1. Oh this really really really helps. Because I have many me’s I don’t know who me is truly, the core. Do I have one? At least I can make one now with this knowledge. Don’t feel so helpless

    • It is hard and I have said in counselling I know I don’t have a ‘fixed personality’ because I have always needed to change to suit situations and also I have a hurt, abused, fragile, abandoned inner child, who is not healed. Plus a wise old soul side of me.

      I think we do need to develop who we want to be❤

      • Do your personalities interact and take over that you know of? I’ve been having Co consciousness which is very scary when you don’t know what’s going on

      • If I am triggered by something and often that will result in an emotional flashback, I can immediate feel scared, unsafe, frightened etc like I did when I was a child. So it will trigger my inner child part of me.

        Sometimes the adolescent part of me will be triggered and I’ll want to go and be reckless, which I can control.

        But, I know now when this is happening.

        I can also have two entirely different conversations going on in my head. One will be rational and the other isn’t and is based on fear.

        So I can have internal conflict going on and then I feel exhausted and just shut down.

        I haven’t heard of co-consciousness before, I will read up on that.

        I can understand that fear if things are happening and you don’t know what’s going on, it must be very scary❤❤

      • Yes it is. Because i come to realise even if i do have multiple personalities they’re all me still.

      • Have you seen this Blog – it appears this DID survivor has lots of great info that may interest you too❤

      • Thank you. I started reading bit my brain goes all funny like in a denial kivnd of way. Some of them don’t like reading DID stuff. Then there’s us who reads and forgets but makes sense and then the rest remember. Ughhhh i don’t know. Hard to explain

      • Anyway this is something we have read before. It is a very good description. I must remember to read and rerea d so it all gets retained. I have to stop smoking pot cos uni it doesn’t help. But stopping the others come out more. Life is a Lil chaotic

  2. I understand everything that is being said I take a step every day. There is good days bad days I have turned to meditation and crystals as they belong to earth we need to keep our self grounded. So turned to the 7 chakra healing this is what I have done to try and help my self but what I so find hard is no one ever understand the battles u face everyday. Have u got any suggestions for people out there, to give them a little tool on there path that may help.
    Kind regards

  3. Reblogged this on iamthe1701blog and commented:
    This is very insightful and resonates a great deal with me. I have never known any other life so I often find it difficult to assert myself or to know how to behave in social situations because I have never really interacted with other people before. I have often felt alienated and this is why.
    I would recommend you stop by Lilly’s site – it has some very useful resources.

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