When deciding to go back to being an admin of my Facebook community page, I knew I needed more self care, more boundaries and that I do not need to explain or justify that to anyone.
The internet is not a safe place and far too many people use social media as a way of venting their issues, and I am not there to be someone they can vent on.
So my new boundaries are…
– Any overt or covert trolling, is not tolerated.
– Any unnecessary complaining and criticism, are not tolerated.
– Any abusive remarks, including the passive aggressive and covert forms of behaviours, are not tolerated.
– Any minimizing of child abuse and complex trauma, are not tolerated.
– Any controlling and manipulative behaviours, are not tolerated.
– Any abusive, provoking behaviours, are not tolerated.
– Any projecting about issues that shame people, like forgiveness, are not tolerated.
– Any excusing abusers actions and minimizing the damage caused, are not tolerated.
– Any name calling and accusations, are not tolerated.
– Any misogynistic comments by men, are not tolerated.
– Any ‘men bashing’ is not tolerated.
There are more, but they are these kinds of clear boundaries, that keep both the safety and wellbeing of the community and myself, as a priority.
And anyone choosing to engage in any of these poor/abusive behaviours, will be banned. No conversation, because I have learned there is no reasoning with dysfunction. And people with these issues need professional help, not being ‘enabled’ on social media to continue with their poor and abusive behaviours and hurting other people. It isn’t compassion to enable people, or wisdom.
This also models clear healthy boundaries for other survivors, who often don’t have healthy boundaries and as a result get hurt and re-traumatised continually.
And I answer to no-one, except myself about this.
No-one has the right to tell me how to run my community. If they aren’t okay with what they see, they have the option to unlike the page and I am absolutely okay with that.
I will run my community as I see fit, and those with no bad intentions, will be okay with these boundaries, and those who are not okay with this, are not welcome.
I am not a doormat for other people’s issues. And it is a form of self harm too assume I am and allow people to treat me that way.
I am simply trying to put info out there to help people, and that will remain my motivation.
Other people’s issues are not my responsibility. I am not a counsellor and nor should I be expected to tolerate other people’s issues.
And I am 100% okay with this.
Update….. a comment I received on Facebook, about these boundaries…
“Thank You for all the good you do and leading by example. I appreciate your boundaries and find them to be a good example to use in my own life.”
I am thankful that in modelling healthier and clearer boundaries, other survivors can improve their lives by implementing them too.