Grieving the crucial healing needs, never met.

I’ve come to realise that severe prolonged trauma, in childhood and then it continuing into adulthood, is a level of suffering no-one understand unless they have endured it.

And for many who have endured it, they are still suppressing, minimizing, in denial. And many do not have insight into the trauma and it’s consequences.

This leaves very few people, who will truly understand the suffering, the many prolonged & severe trauma’s, the many painful consequences… or where I am at.

And I am not angry, or upset with all those people, at all. And for all those who have never endured this level of trauma, I am so thankful they haven’t. But, I am angry and upset that I have no-one physically in my life who ‘gets it’. Or ‘get’s me’. And angry and upset about what and who caused this.

It’s like I am still being punished.

Did You Become An Empath As A Matter Of Survival?

This is great insight and exactly how my abusive upbringing led to me having the capacity to discern behaviours, intentions etc.

It was a survival need.

Narc Abuse Survivors: These "Boots" are made for walkin

A coworker of mine, one to whom I am very close, walked into my office this week and says “we haven’t seen much of you this week.”

When I told her I have been working in my office because there seems to be a pretty heavy negative vibe going around the office and I choose not to expose myself to it, or be involved.
Her response was, “you have felt that too?” We concluded it centered around the office narc.

This got me to thinking. Why is it her and I both were so in tune and plugged in, more so than others. I should state here, she was married to a disordered man who attempted to kill her.

Growing up in such a unpredictable and unstable environment, where things can change quickly going from happy to abusive at the drop of a dime. Children, such as myself, must develop…

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Empathic, healthy, caring relationships are needed for growth & healing. And this is the big issue.

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-mindfulness-alone-isnt-enough-for-growth-0331154

I am very aware that interpersonal trauma, is only fully healed, within empathic, caring, healthy relationships.

But for many complex trauma survivors, this is the issue…

Finding these types of people, is a challenge.

Finding people who understand complex trauma and ‘get us’, so don’t hurt us more, is a challenge.

And trusting them enough, even if you find them, is a challenge.

*sigh.

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From the article….

Having an external, empathic person validating and observing our experience gives us the advantage of perspective, and if we are open and ready for it, this person can also help us see through our beliefs and filters about the world, other people, and ourselves. A good therapist can begin to point out these patterns and reframe them as our relationship to them.

Of course, a therapist isn’t the only person who can co-create this type of relationship. Any relationship will surface our patterns. Romantic relationships will expose them in the deepest way. However, a therapist—at least, a therapist trained to see unconscious, transference, and countertransference—specifically focuses on seeing our patterns, and provides a valuable holding environment to process and more deeply understand them.

Both Mindfulness and Relationship Are Essential

I truly hope Daniel Morcombe’s killer, does not get let out.

I knew this would continue…. the appeals for this ‘man’ to be released from jail.

He is not rehabilitated, and he has already severely sexually abused many children, left one young child for dead, and killed Daniel Morcombe and has NO remorse.

He is a opportunistic predator, with no remorse, no conscience, no empathy, no guilt.

If he gets let out – he will very likely do it again. He is a severe threat to society and to children. And knowing how badly the legal system already fails at keeping predators locked up, I have a horrible feeling Cowan will be let out.

Co-dependent relationships with abusive, narcissistic people. Via PsychCentral

Good info to help those of us who have been in co-dependent and harmful relationships.

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http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/08/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/

The inherently dysfunctional “codependency dance” requires two opposite but distinctly balanced partners: the pleaser/fixer (codependent) and the taker/controller (narcissist/addict).

Codependents — who are giving, sacrificing, and consumed with the needs and desires of others — do not know how to emotionally disconnect or avoid romantic relationships with individuals who are narcissistic — individuals who are selfish, self-centered, controlling, and harmful to them. Codependents habitually find themselves on a “dance floor” attracted to partners who are a perfect counter-match to their uniquely passive, submissive and acquiescent dance style.

As natural followers in their relationship dance, codependents are passive and accommodating dance partners. So how can they stop being such natural followers?

Codependents find narcissistic dance partners deeply appealing. They are perpetually attracted to their charm, boldness, confidence and domineering personality.

Feeling sorry for my son’s teacher, led me to volunteer to be a class helper.

Two conversations with my youngest son’s teacher this week, showed she is a bit stressed and I felt sorry for her.

I had asked her if she had a good Easter Holidays and she replied defensively that she was working each day here at the school. Then my son asked her yesterday why his name hadn’t been moved on a chart, and she replied even more defensively that she does not have the time and if she had more parent helpers, she would have more time.

I got the feeling she is stressed and felt sorry for her as she is a lovely teacher and who knows whether she has any other issues going on in her life too.