I’ve come to realise that severe prolonged trauma, in childhood and then it continuing into adulthood, is a level of suffering no-one understand unless they have endured it.
And for many who have endured it, they are still suppressing, minimizing, in denial. And many do not have insight into the trauma and it’s consequences.
This leaves very few people, who will truly understand the suffering, the many prolonged & severe trauma’s, the many painful consequences… or where I am at.
And I am not angry, or upset with all those people, at all. And for all those who have never endured this level of trauma, I am so thankful they haven’t. But, I am angry and upset that I have no-one physically in my life who ‘gets it’. Or ‘get’s me’. And angry and upset about what and who caused this.
It’s like I am still being punished.
It explains why the sense of complete aloneness continues.
No matter what I do, what I fill my life with…….. that gaping hole within me of knowing I am completely alone, is never filled.
It is a never ending cycle of grieving…… to have no-one in your life who meets your needs.
Especially when they are needs – crucial to healing. And I have been grieving this, all my life. I just didn’t know it until recently.
And the worst part, is seeing no end to it.