Good to see professionals who confirm it is okay to ‘name’ narcissistic abuse. Via Psychology Today.

Mental Health professionals used to harbor the notion that narcissists were insecure and frail deep down.  Their trumped up attitude was viewed as off putting and the job was to help them tone it down so others would like them more. And life would be easier for them. Strangely, narcissists were frequently people who at first glance, did not convey the compelling qualities that might explain extreme self-love.

Things have changed. Current thought challenges the notion that narcissists secretly suffer from low self-esteem or insecurity.  Or that they suffer as much as we thought in the ways that we thought. Recent findings indicate they take pleasure in successful manipulations. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport. They truly believe in their superiority even if objective evidence does not back it up. One psychiatry professor of mine did say, “They make everyone around them feel badly but they don’t feel badly themselves.”

I was quite moved by a blog I read

http://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/06/08/how-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse-changes-our-world-views/   (link is external)

in which the author beautifully captures what it is like to be the target of a severe narcissist. Shame, fear, jitters, lack of trust and ever-present guardedness sweep through the abused person and trammel his or her identity and world view. The transformation of a hopeful, can-do enthusiast into a dismal, wary withdrawer is a form of soul murder.

But to those thus violated, take heart. Understanding the complexities of what/who you were dealing with might make you feel better. Just “naming” brings relief, as it is a form of containment. Besides, in this particular situation, tables do turn. If you have faith that justice will be served, somehow, you might find the motivation to rise up and get yourself back.

Let’s contemplate the nuances of narcissism in a person with narcissistic traits or the full-blown personality disorder. The diagnosis includes entitlement, grandiosity, arrogance, envy, easy exploitation of others, a sense of specialness or superiority and fantasies of unlimited success.

The flicker of hope, gone.

Found out that the group of Christians who meet up and don’t go to church, meet up as families.

And that is not going to work for me. My husband is not a Christian, is not interested, is very unsociable and I cannot deal with the stress of going along with him and my children.

If it had been just the adults meeting up, I could have faced going. But not as a family.

So, that’s that.

I really believed that might be leading someone.

I should have known better than to get my hopes up.

Devastatingly sad to know children use blankets as security & safety, when raised in abusive homes.

I posted about ‘weighted blankets’ on my page just now and a survivor stated how as a child she would wrap herself up in a heavy blanket and sing to herself until she fell asleep.

I am sat writing this with tears pouring down my face, trying not to sob.

Children should not be needing to seek safety, comfort and soothing from a blanket, because their parents are so abusive and neglectful.

So, so sad. And has triggered a lot of distress to remembering myself doing this as a child. Crying, scared, alone.

A child should not live in the level of fear, being unsafe, harmed, abused, alone, distressed …… trying to substitute a blanket for what the parents are meant to be providing.

I am awake now…

Weighted Blankets for PTSD and DID – A Review.

Weighted blankets is something I have only just read about and I can understand why they would be very comforting and reassuring.
I often wrap myself up in blankets when overwhelmed, distressed, can feel my inner child is scared.
The weight of a heavy blanket would feel like more safety and security around me.
So glad to read about this and will think about investing in a heavy blanket.

Life as a Committee

Earlier this month I bought two weighted blankets and I definitely do not regret it! These blankets have been incredibly helpful for me and have definitely prevented internal chaos from escalating.

I don’t currently have access to any databases or journals at the moment because I’ve deferred from my university course which means I can’t do much research. As soon as I can do some research I’ll be finding out just how weighted blankets help and why they work.

I can’t begin to explain how useful these blankets have been! I’ve been using them to help settle us at home. There have been times where I haven’t been able to settle – I’ve been agitated, on edge and just not quite okay. Having the big, eight kilo blanket over me is bliss. Feeling that weight on my shoulders and/or chest is relaxing, calming, soothing and comforting.

Whilst at respite a…

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Everyone deserves equal compassion, but not all trauma and suffering is equal.

It has become socially demanded, that society view all trauma as equal and all suffering all equal. Which is not what trauma experts, sociologists, or neuroscientists say at all.

But many people like to give opinions that is simply that – an opinion, often for self motivated reasons.

It is a deep lack of empathy and a complete lack of understanding how different trauma affects the brain and psyche, to suggest all trauma is equal.

You cannot compare a one time short lived trauma in adulthood, to severe ongoing child abuse.

You cannot compare a one time sexual assault to an adult, to years of incest/rape to a child.

You cannot compare a car crash survivor/medical trauma victim… to a survivor of severe child abuse, severe complex trauma, severe interpersonal trauma.

Another lesson learned….. don’t let yourself be used by those promoting books…

People will say anything when they want something from you.

When people are promoting books, many will of course be very nice to people who they want to promote their books, give them a reference.

This happened recently. Gushing niceness, compliments and then when they have what they want, and don’t need you anymore….very little.

And the little you asked them if they could do for you …. forgotten, ignored, doesn’t materialise.

It’s okay, I learned my lesson.

I’m still learning lessons.

Humanity never fails to disappoint.